V Festival has long been, shall we say, one of the more commercial festivals out there. As such its line-up has tended to veer towards the more chart friendly end of the musical spectrum, hence a massive lady-shaped pop presence.

Last year Girls Aloud and Sugababes shook their respective things, and this year the list is even bigger with the likes of Pixie Lott, Natalie Imbruglia, VV Brown, The Saturdays, Lily Allen, Lady GaGa, Alesha Dixon and Katy Perry proving their festival mettle. But do such acts really have a place in the various fields of dreams we've found ourselves in over the summer?

Too bloody right they do, not least because you can only see so many grubby looking band blokes in their boring jeans, boring jackets, boring shades and boring shoes before an overwhelming sense of 'meh' starts to trickle through your whole being.

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The rumour sprouted up in the hospitality area mid-afternoon yesterday (August 22). Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse would definitely be collaborating at V Festival. Definitely. They would 100 per cent definitely be making cameo appearances during Happy Mondays' Arena tent early evening set.

Really. Professional diligence, of course, had me traipsing over to the Arena to confirm my belief that this was as likely to happen as would be to see Liam and Noel Gallagher sharing the same dressing room.

As predicted, the only spectacle to be witnessed at the show was Shaun Ryder explaining that Bez had quit the band, meaning a maraca-free show, and this his teenage nephew was playing drums.

You can't really knock the likes of 'God's Cop' and 'Step On', but really, it was hardly a festival 'moment'.

The still-beehived jazz warbler failed to make an appearance with Mr Ryder and his depleted gang, but as you will no doubt have read on NME.COM already, she did find time to get on with The Specials to sing a couple of numbers, then use her lips for a very different purpose with Pete Doherty during his headline Virgin Media Union tent show.

Pete Doherty at V before Amy's cameo

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It’s not a real music festival unless there are loud bands, pricey booze and some tasty festival rumours. And this year’s V Festival is no exception.

First up at the Chelmsford site yesterday (August 22) we had a spot of guess the grime guest.

"Tinchy Stryder is getting N-Dubz on for ‘Number 1’" said one, "N-Dubz are getting Stryder onstage when they play ‘Number 1’" said another. In the end neither showed for the other's slot, despite both playing the Arena stage with only Asher Roth sandwiched between them.

Then there was Amy Winehouse bingo.

The singer was going to sing with Happy Mondays and Pete Doherty would be joining them too! Turns out the Madchester boys had to go empty-handed as Amy surprised everyone by joining The Specials on the V Stage, before hanging around like a Babyshambles Bez when Pete played his own headlining slot.

Shaun Ryder and not Amy Winehouse

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After all the Twitter spats, unwieldy power failures and now Liam's bout of untimely illness, uncertainty will undoubtedly hang over Oasis' future yet again after their withdrawal from V Chelmsford.

But if their appearance at the Stafforshire leg is to be their final gig - as 'The Sun' are claiming (even though, we should point out, the band do have further European dates booked) - it was a worthy, emotional swansong.

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It's fun at the northern leg of the V Festival. Without the tabloid journalists and the T4 crews and the weekenders who just turn up for the hospitality, the Staffordshire bash is, like, totally about the music dude.

Of course, that also means that nothing much scandalous happens. Girls dance, men wear dresses, everyone drinks Pimm's and together we discover our inner Katy Perry. And along the way we experience moments of commercial pop/rock enlightenment.

Here's what we learned:

1. Oasis continue to rock, even when they’re not exactly firing on all cylinders.

2. Noel Gallagher is more generous with the Jamesons on his rider than he really ought to be. Biffy Clyro are very tolerant of the results of this.

3. Not only will Biffy Clyro no doubt be headlining one of these festivals next year, they will also do anything for their fans. They weren’t supposed to be doing the signing tent. They did anyway. Respeck.

4. Katy Perry's red hot pants are the new Lady GaGa's flamethrowing tits.

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Noah and the Whale

Goldie Lookin Chain

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