"Informer, you no say that's who I'm gonna blame, A licky boom boom down / Detective man said Daddy Snow I stabbed someone down the lane, a licky boom boom down."

That's right 'Snow:The Biopic' hits screens this week, and with it all opening weekend box office records will be smashed.

Of course not, it's really Steven Soderbergh and the good one from Affleck and Damon going all shouty with the use of exclamation marks in order to make their film stand out. No need, you guys rock!

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To Daniel Barber, Gary Young and all,

A couple of weeks ago I had the displeasure of watching your film 'Harry Brown'. I was fortunate enough to get paid to watch it, so this isn't an attempt to ask for my money back, instead I'm here to ask one simple question. What is this film?

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During the World Premiere of 'Armaggeddon' a large selection of the press began tittering away at the preposterousness of Bruce and chums drilling into asteroids in order to save mankind. Bruce sarcastically replied, "I'm glad you all found the end of the world so funny".

If 'Armageddon' seemed snigger-some, then '2012' is a full-blown chuckle fest. Not since 'Dr. Strangelove' has mankind's demise been quite so humourous.

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Jesus ruddy bloody Christ I'm poor at maths. This is the penultimate year (not including 2009) in our amble down Reminiscence Road and I was hoping to neatly tie it all up with a big bow of celluloid string ending with a rundown of this years offerings. Seeing as it's only mid-November you may just have to wait for the rundown of this here year until all the films are signed, sealed and delivered. Sorry about that.

For the meantime, enjoy 2007. Just don't eat it all at once.

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Damn Glastonbury-free 2006! How dare you even exist? From this day forth I decree that all years that don't feature a Worthy Farm related knees up must be stricken from the record books.

Actually I had a really nice 2006, I saw Radiohead twice and went to my first European festival called Pukkelpop. So fuck you 'First Paragraph Owen' how about getting on with talking about films. This isn't a bloody music website y'know.

Reeeet, on with 2006.

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Ah, Daniel Day Lewis singing and dancing, Nicole, Marion, Dame Judi, big Italian numbers, Fergie from the Black Eyed... wait a second. What's that!!?! It's a dead mother and her child being viewed by a puppet crudely stitched together from a sack walking through an industrial wasteland where Earth used to be. Oh it's that '9'. The "kids" film '9'.

After that hilarious opening when I gone did confused the two films, I'll get on with acting like a grown-up and reviewing the film. I say 'like a grown-up', but I did just spend 80 minutes shitting my pants at a cartoon.

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