Oh, come on now. Which of us doesn’t have a few embarrassing videos/recordings/ill-advised projects from our teenage years lurking in the back of the cupboard in our childhood homes? Go on, dig out your diary from your school days. Did you really heart Josh Hartnett 4eva IDST? Well, yeah probably, he was a dish. But the point is that it’s a universal thing, isn’t it, being embarrassed by your former self.
So, spare a thought for Brie Larson, excellent actress extraordinaire and star of Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World and Trainwreck. The 26-year-old just bagged the Oscar for Best Actress, thanks to her role in the terrifying, claustrophobic drama Room, about a woman and her son kept captive in a shed for seven years. And now the internet is rummaging through the back catalogue. And something adorably embarrassing has turned up.
What is the meaning of this? It’s 16-year-old Brie Larson vying to become to an angst-ridden pop star in the vein of Avril Lavigne, Ashlee Simpson or – in her wildest dreams – Pink. Her one and only album was released in October 2005 to literally no fanfare and, like the actually quite catchy song above (that whooping keyboard bit is pretty great), is called Finally Out Of P.E.. What a strange title. Readers, there is an explanation for this.
Speaking to the website Kidsworld, which still exists and appears to do so in some kind of 2005 timewarp, Larson explained: “My P.E. teacher didn’t like me at all, which was hard to deal with cuz I was usually such a teachers’ pet. So when I found out I got my record deal, I was like, ‘Yes, I’m finally out of P.E.'”
Like, that’s so much of a first-world problem it’s basically wrapped in kale and served on a bed of ever-so-slightly undercooked quinoa. That interview’s packed with endearing quotes – Brie was influenced equally by The Clash, Kanye West and Maroon 5 and admits she’s often warned she’s “too clever to make it in this industry” – but the main take-home point is that being a precocious teen can result in older you winning a Best Actress Oscar, so it’s not all bad.
Anyway, our favourite track from Finally Out Of P.E. is probably ‘She Said’, which features the couplet, “I’m late again / Got a lower grade today than yesterday“, along with the knockout line, “You can say what you want, you can tell me I’m wrong / La-dee-da la-dee-dee.” It’s a time machine back to 2005, what with the Napoleon Dynamite lookalike in the ‘Vote For Pedro’ t-shirt.