This week’s rush for tickets to Adele’s 2016 UK tour has been and gone. They went on sale at 9am Friday morning and fans scooped them up like Adele snaffling Grammys. But wait! There’s another batch going on sale this coming Monday (November 7). How can you ensure you get yours? Follow our fool-proof guide, and beware the fate of the unsuccessful Adele fans whose tweets stalk this article like the singer stalking the top of almost every single iTunes album chart in the world.

Call in sick to work

You do not want to be hearing about what 58-year-old Barbara from HR got up to at the weekend (bad speed and a threesome) when tickets go on sale at 9am on Monday Morning.

Stick the kettle on

And grab a brew. You should be prepared to be in this for the long haul. When the first batch of tickets went on sale today (Friday 4th December), some fans spent over an hour glued to their computer screens – and in many cases didn’t get tickets. Maybe make in a big brew, in one of those weirdly massive Sports Direct mugs.

Log off Twitter and Facebook

You just KNOW that a half-forgotten celebrity, probably one with a murky past (Justin Lee Collins? Michael Barrymore?) will begin to trend on Twitter and you’ll have to click to find out if they’re dead or have eaten Declan Donnelly’s bunghole on a reality show. This is the exact moment when tickets will go on sale.

Get ready to open a new bank account

No, no, seriously, it’ll probably be fine. But it was reported that there was a security breach when some fans bought pre-sale ticket this Monday (November 30), as they were faced with credit card details and home addresses of other people. Be vigilant!

Be cool

It’s easy to get Stockholm Syndrome here (because basically Adele is your captor, chaining you to your computer) and feel like your life will not be complete until you’ve recorded grainy footage of a woman from Tottenham moaning about her ex-boyfriend. But remember: it is only a concert. It’s not oxygen.