Eat my goal – Ed Sheeran’s ‘Shape of You’ has been recreated using footballers’ names

You don’t need to be a Premier League aficionado to enjoy this

There are some things in life you didn’t know you wanted until it crashes into Earth like a glorious speeding comet. Things like stuffed crust pizza, iPads, a new Jamiroquai song. And now there’s this – a new version of Ed Sheeran’sShape of You’, where every lyric is a professional footballer’s name.

That might not sound like the greatest thing on paper, but let’s face it, football’s best when it’s unexpected. And this is a legitimately outstanding creation. It’s something to marvel at, like seeing Lionel Messi glide through a previously unstoppable La Liga defence. Or watching Arsene Wenger try and zip up his duffle coat to no avail. A wonder of the modern world.

You don’t have to be a football hipster to appreciate this, although it helps. 238 footballers’ names are applied to Sheeran’s original. And this rendition isn’t afraid to go into seriously obscure territory. It’s out with “The club isn’t the best place to find a lover / So the bar is where I go,” in with “Damien Duff, Izzet, Keane, George Best, Peter Ndlovu, Le Saux, Lampard, Sanogo, Carroll, Vassell, Atsu, Gradel, Dunga, Song, Reyes, Song, Fish, Defoe.” If you recognise even a couple of those names, you’re in for a treat. From current world-beaters to obscure ‘90s cult heroes, pretty much everyone gets a mention, except Djimi Traoré (sorry Djimi, maybe next time). It might also be the first time legends of the game like Manuel Neuer and Luis Suarez get mentioned in the same sentence as Nicky Barmby.

All being well, this should hopefully start a global craze. Drake’s ‘Controlla’ can be changed to ‘Son, Zola’, for starters. Game Jam, who created this Sheeran edit, can have that one for free. One thing’s for sure – this is the ultimate hangover cure for football fans lamenting a defeat from last weekend.