Lowlands: 7 ways to lose yourself at the Netherlands’ hedonistic wonder

We’re fully aware you hear this about most festivals, but honestly, there’s so much more to do at the Netherlands’ Lowlands Festival. To the point where you could feasibly do all the mad shit and sideshows that the festival has to offer than watch any music. You wouldn’t do that though, because that’s bonkers, but if you fancy dabbling – here’s seven ways to lose yourself while at the nation’s biggest festival.

Chill out by the lake

Few festivals can boast having their own bloody lake slap bang in the middle of the site, but then few festivals are like the mind-melting Dutch experience. If you fancy a dip of the toe, or just need a serene place for you and your pal’s late night drunken patter – well, the lake is almost certainly the place to do it.

Relive your childhood at the roller rink

Look, you may have given up roller skating since your disastrous 8th birthday party (skinned knees, the lot) but judging by the queues for the roller rink, the Dutch are feeling a bit mad for it right now.

Get weird in Helga’s House Of Pain

Without a doubt, Lowlands’ most depraved corner. Taking over Helga’s tent, fans queue for hours to get into the club-themed attraction – where headbanging, throbbing lights, eager crowds and a fair bit of kink make for an electrifying, though slightly maddening clubbing experience.

Unwind in the spa

This festival malarkey is hard work, so if you’re aching muscles and apocalyptic hangover won’t budge – this mini spa set up on the lake is the one for you. Featuring hot tubs, spas and masseurs, this little break out area is a welcome, and soothing sight.

Get groovy in the ArmadiLLo

Signposted by a host of gigantic, factory-like chimneys, the ‘ArmadiLLo’ structure is the ideal place to relax after a day of stage-hopping. That’s not to say that it’s exclusively the chillout zone, mind. Stand in the right place and you’ll pick up a scent of some house bangers, all while sipping on a set of delicious cocktails.

It Ain't Safe #lowlands #lowlands2017 #festival #lowlandsfestival #lowlands17 #skepta

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Escape from a horde of zombies

Hmm, maybe not actually. Unless your way of unwinding is pretending you’re in the zombie apocalypse, that is. Using Lowlands as the backdrop for a scientific experiment, the LowlandsZ app turns the site into a virtual battlefield between infected zombies, and the clean survivors. Tracked by GPS, the app allows you to see just where the infected are and helps you keep your distance. Stick away from Alt-J’s sets in future if you’re worried about it, the place was teeming with them. Soz, lads.

Be the guinea pig for some of the festival’s wackiest experiments

As well as testing just how infected this bunch are, the festival has become a frequent hotspot for scientists to find willing volunteers for some of their crucial experiments. One, for example, is trialling ground-breaking software that allows you type only via brain signals sent to a wired-up cap. No hands, ma!