Not at Glastonbury? Here’s how you can still have a stonking weekend

Avoid FOMO and laugh at mud-soaked festival-goers by doing these things

So you’re not going to Glastonbury. You either failed to get a ticket, or you decided to give it a miss. Some of your mates are going though, and they’ve made it absolutely clear that they’re going – just in case you didn’t know. Glasto envy is very real.

Beyond the satisfying realisation that you get to sleep in your own bed while Glasto-goers are waking up in sweaty tents at the crack of dawn, and taking shelter from lashing thunderstorms under rickety gazebos, Glastonbury is still a hard festival to get away from. Countless amazing bands are playing. There’s bound to be some talked-about secret sets. Even Jeremy Corbyn’s going. And if that wasn’t enough, the BBC are bringing wall-to-wall Glasto coverage throughout the weekend.

You might think the only antidote to Glasto FOMO is to go on airplane mode and pretend it’s not happening, but here’s what else you can do over the weekend:

Experience Glasto from your sofa

Glastonbury 2016, mud, festivals

Instead of ignoring the whole thing, embrace it. Go full Glasto fever, watch every band you want to see, and put on flip flops instead of the customary wellies. Sit outside with a sun umbrella, stick the live stream on and pretend you’re front row for Radiohead. It’s easy. Much easier than dragging luggage through acres of mud.

For the telly addicts, every headline set is being broadcast live on BBC Two, as well as Barry Gibb’s ‘Legend Slot’ on the Sunday afternoon. BBC Four will be airing highlights from an eclectic range of artists.

Either that or you can spend the entire weekend glued to the BBC’s website, which will be broadcasting performances from six stages, plus behind-the-scenes webcams and highlights from across Worthy Farm.

Read more: How to watch, listen and follow this year’s festival on TV, radio and online

Attend an ‘Anti Glastonbury’ party

Make the most of not being able to make it by heading to Bristol haunt Black Swan for the annual ‘Anti Glastonbury’ party.

Not all of us can afford to attend the festival and some of us just didn’t fancy it,” says event organiser Steve Cunliffe. The pub is hosting local DJs across three different rooms, and the night is also raising money for a local feed the homeless charity.  More details here.

Discover GLOW, Netflix’s hugely-hyped new show

Everyone’s talking about GLOW (Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling), a new Alison Brie-starring wrestling sensation coming to Netflix on June 23.

The team behind Orange is the New Black are responsible for this new body-slamming comedy drama, which sees down-and-out 1980’s actress Ruth Wilder (Brie) finding unexpected stardom as a female wrestler. If that’s not enough, Kate Nash also stars as a drug-dealing robot.

Head to the tennis

Andy Murray, Wimbledon, Tennis

Nothing says British summertime like tennis fever. That brief moment in the middle of June where upon watching Wimbledon, every middle class family thinks they could become a world number 1.

The country’s pre-Wimbledon tournament Queen’s takes place this week, running until Sunday June 25. Who wants to see Ed Sheeran and Radiohead when you could be watching Andy Murray grunting at nobody in particular, or French star Ji-Wilfried Tsonga serving consecutive aces.

Go see Kraftwerk

Londoners opting out of Glasto get the best deal this weekend, as electro-pioneers Kraftwerk are playing three consecutive nights at Royal Albert Hall (Wednesday 21-Friday 23 June). While fest-goers are stuck on the Autobahn, the 70’s legends are in the capital as part of their ’3D Tour’. Get Kraftwerk tickets here.

Catch up on Orange is the New Black

Orange is the New Black Season 5 Trailer

Season 5 of the twist-filled prison drama came out a couple of weeks ago. And as with almost everything on Netflix, you’re able to binge-watch the entire season in one go. Turn your phone off, order takeaway and catch up on all things Litchfield.

Flock to a different festival

Linkin Park's Chester Bennington

Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington

Admittedly, staying at home and watching Glasto highlights can’t quite recreate the magic of being lost and stranded in a giant field. Festival addicts still have a couple other options for this weekend. Rock giants like Linkin Park and Green Day are playing Germany’s Hurricane Festival (June 23-25). Also in Germany, the likes of Blink 182 and Maximo Park are playing Southside (June 23-25). Or as soon as Glasto’s finishing, you could make a quick getaway to Croatia for Hideout Festival (June 26-30) to see Stormzy, Major Lazer and Skream.

Take a nostalgia trip with The Crystal Maze

Richard Ayoade, Crystal Maze, Channel 4

20 years after leaving our screens, cult favourite TV show The Crystal Maze is making a comeback.

Returning on Friday June 23, Richard Ayoade (The IT Crowd, Submarine) is hosting the futuristic gameshow for 20 new episodes. It was filled at The Bottle Yard Studios in Bristol, with a 30,000 square-foot maze designed by original show designer James Dillon.

Sit down, strap in and prepare to watch in awe as contestants fail to walk a tightrope in an ancient pyramid.

Watch Glastonbury-bound acts tour the UK

The Stone Roses at Wembley

Several bands visiting Worthy Farm are making the trip as part of a UK tour. And there are plenty of huge gigs from acts who won’t be performing at Glastonbury. Here’s the best of what’s on offer this weekend:

The Avalanches (Manchester, Albert Hall, Friday June 23)

The Maccabees (Manchester, O2 Academy, Friday June 23)

Thurston Moore (Hove, The Old Market, Friday June 23)

Craig David (Bristol, Harbourside, Friday June 23)

The Stone Roses (Glasgow, Hampden Park National Stadium, Saturday June 24)