There’s an awful lot of awful music out there. And all that awful music needs someone to sing it, unfortunately. Here’s our pick of the most rubbish pop stars ever to darken the charts.
Where to start with the Cheeky Girls? The twins rose to, erm, fame through Popstars: The Rivals before relasing their debut single – ‘The Cheeky Song’. Which went on to sell more than 1.2 million copies! Who bought those CDs? Are you pleased with yourself? Come on, look us in the eye. This is what you’ve created. Nobody’s fault but your own.
Do you know what time it is, Chico? Time to sod off.
How does one create a pop star, eh? One option is to just, well, make one. Hatsune Miko is a Japanese 3D hologram who’s sold out concerts and has her ‘own’ record label. Yeah, lame as the rest of the artists on this list are, at least they’re actual people.
Do you remember Aqua? Well then, rack your brains and dig up the The Cartoons. This lot were a fellow Danish band who took Aqua’s shtick and made it 200% more annoying by covering tracks like ‘Camptown Races’ while wearing plastic wigs. Kind of creepy actually.
Not only did the Canadian warbler pull down an unflattering Tumblr, she then went on to cover AC/DC With Anastasia. And entered by doing Angus Young’s hop. In heels. Like an aunty on three Baileys’ at Christmas.
Be thankful that the vogue for soap actors crossing into music has subsided. In 1999, the Coronation St hunk left the show to make his musical mark. After releasing the trance ‘classic’ ‘I Breathe Again’, Rickitt gradually faded away. He was last seen running for the position of Conservative MP for Macclesfield. Ouch.
Come on, do we even need to go through this?
The ‘bad boy’ of Westlife, MacFadden stayed classy by writing an ode to date rape named ‘Just the Way You Are (Drunk At The Bar)’. Opening lyrics: “I like you just the way you are, drunk as shit dancing at the bar.
I like it, and I can’t wait to get you home, so I can do some damage.” He’s a keeper, ladies!
What happens when nobody likes your band any more? You get together with another group in the same position. Putting the ‘er’ in ‘supergroup’. Yoso consists of the bass player and keyboard player from Yes, combined with the vocalist from Toto. The end result is something that nobody is proud of.
Glee is where unnaturally high self esteem meets a need to sing through every emotion. From Rihanna to Beck, Prince to Janet Jackson – there’s no artist the cast of Glee have met that they couldn’t zing up with some harmonies and hugging. Give us a slushee, we’ll throw it at them ourselves.