So, after a build up that would make Lady Gaga blush, Cheryl has - supposedly - been dumped from the US version of 'The X Factor'. And really, we have to wonder why Cowell and co ever thought it would work. Here are the reasons why it was a match made in hel-L.A.
1) She’s a pants 'judge'
OK, so if we’re to read between the lines on the reason why Cowell chose her to be one of the judges it’s because of one thing. No, not that. It’s because of her star power. There’s been suspiciously little mention of her "amazing judging ability". Her instinct for deciphering who should be the next sacrificial lamb swallowed into the jaws of Syco. Oops , sorry, I meant “Christmas Number One scoring pop star” is pretty non-existent.
I mean, have you seen the show? Because her 'judging' consists of looking over to Cowell in order to predict what he will say from his facial expressions. Then out she comes with a shallow echo of what he says. Or she just bursts into tears. That’s it. Come on Cheryl, we know you can do more than two expressions.
Like this one,for example:
2) She has questionable musical instincts
There’s no question that Girls Aloud were a brilliant, odd pop band. When Cheryl went solo we expected something better than the dead-eyed collection of r’n’b that she gave us with ‘Three Words’ and ‘Messy Little Raindrops’. With a few exceptions, she’s managed to un-do all the good work done by the likes of ‘Biology’ and ‘No Good Advice’. Is she really the best choice for a musical taste barometer? I think we all know the answer to that one….
3) She’s a 'UK thing'
Cheryl makes sense in the UK. Somewhere between a 'national treasure' and a 'general annoyance', we’ve grown up with her from Popstars: The Rivals to her current incarnation as a celebutard thing. Take her out of this context and she’s just another LA wannabe, and as we all know, they’ve got plenty of those already.
4) She started the trend for ‘career’ judging
Katy Perry, Pixie Lott. Guest judges who came and went on the show. And why? Because they had something to promote! Pop stars now use the show as part of their promotional campaign. And who started this trend? You know who...
5) Her hair
This is not a good look. If she stays in LA any longer, the hair will just get bigger. And that’s just worrying.