Veteran broadcaster Alan Partidge tells NME about the records that made him who he is today

The first song I remember hearing
Bernard Cribbins – ‘Right Said Fred’
“As a child, I suffered from epistaxis (nosebleeds) and often spent afternoons with the school receptionist waiting for the bleeding to stop. One afternoon, this 1962 novelty song came on the radio and I was soon duetting with the friendly spinster, singing along, not caring that the loud noise had brought on another nosebleed (epistaxis).”

The first album I bought
Queen – ‘Jazz’
“Notable for the song ‘Fat Bottomed Girls’. I once bumped into Brian May at Jodrell Bank and pointed out women were meant to have fatter bottoms than men: as well as being an evolutionary trait to attract a mate, women have higher oestrogen levels, which deposit fat around the buttocks and thighs. We’ve been friends ever since.”

The first song I fell in love with
David Essex – ‘Hold Me Close’
“My ex-wife Carol told me, in confidence, that lovemaking made her scalp sweat, so in the early days of our courtship I’d treat her to a post-coital hair brush. After intercourse, we’d sit naked on the bed with me combing her locks for bits that had become damp and tangled. This was the record we listened to.”

The song that makes me want to dance
Modest Mouse – ‘Float On’
“Does marching count? I live alone, so often find myself marching back and forth to pop songs. ‘Stop The Cavalry’ by Jona Lewie, ‘Portsmouth’ by Mike Oldfield and ‘Safety Dance’ by Men Without Hats lend themselves to a brisk hup-two-three-four but I’m going for this 2004 track I heard at an ice rink, because the singer sounds like Bryan Ferry, who I know from Tory party fundraisers.”

The song I do at karaoke
Bryan Adams – ‘Summer Of ’69’
“Bryan has a natural gravel to his voice, which I once tried to replicate by smoking five cigarettes before singing karaoke. While it did lend my performance a certain rasp, the nicotine made me giggle (uncontrollably) and then vomit (uncontrollably). Ever the professional, I completed the song while using my coat as a mop.”

The song that makes me laugh
Haddaway – ‘What Is Love’
“In 2008, I spotted Haddaway in a hotel steam room. I strode over, introduced myself and said I wanted him to sing on a jingle I’d written. The sessions went badly and it was only when I visited the same hotel and saw him dredging the pool that I realised he wasn’t Haddaway, just a man who worked for Jurys Inn.”

The song I can no longer listen to
Kenny Loggins – ‘Danger Zone’
“On long drives, my friend Eamonn Holmes and I would play the Top Gun soundtrack at high volume. We’d don Ray-Bans and one would pretend to be Maverick, the other Goose. I can’t listen to this song now. Not for any painful memories – it’s just a terrible piece of music.”

The song I want played at my funeral
Stan Ridgway – ‘Camouflage’
“Simply outstanding.”

Alan Partridge: Mid Morning Matters returns to Sky Atlantic at 10pm on Tuesday February 16