NME’s alternative Valentine’s Day gift guide

What to get that special someone who's a bloody nightmare to shop for this February 14

V Day is approaching, and the panic of what to buy your other half is undoubtedly about to kick in. Whether you’ve been together 10 years, 10 months or 10 days, here’s what you should be getting for bae this Valentine’s Day.

For the one you’ve not been seeing very long

Whistle Punks axe throwing - shot of people involved

You’ve probably only been together a few weeks, and you’re not sure how serious it is; but lo-and-behold the dreaded day of love has rolled around and you’re feeling obliged to buy gifts. Yeah, you could go for chocolate (if you do – try Raw Halo‘s) or wine, but also why not give them a memory they can cherish forever and take them axe throwing? Whistle Punks have venues in London, Manchester and Birmingham for all your axe slinging needs.

For the one who’s banned Valentine’s Day presents

Thanks For Putting Up With My Sh*t Chocolate

Whether you both need to save your hard-earned cash, or you just don’t give a shit about Valentine’s, sometimes gifts are totally banned from Feb 14. However, we all know that the ban on gifts isn’t a real ban, and you’ll be in the doghouse if you don’t get your lover something. So why not settle for some chocolate with a brutally honest message.

BUY NOW: Thanks For Putting Up With My Sh*t Chocolate fo £7.99 on Firebox

For the one you met on Tinder

Tinder Nightmares book

Enjoy this compilation of Tinder’s moments awful moments, as you and your partner feel smug that you’re not in this book.

BUY NOW: Tinder Nightmares for £9.99 on Firebox

For the audio snob

Ultimate Ears BLAST

They probably have a very particular taste in speakers and will spend hours telling you why their choice is the most correct. Show that you’ve been listening (or pretending to) with the wicked Blast speaker. Ultimate Ears are the absolute kings of speakers, and their latest offering the Blast is no exception. The pocket powerhouse sounds better than ever, and what with 12 hours of battery it’ll last your entire BBQ sesh in the park, and given that it’s waterproof it’ll survive the UK summer.

BUY NOW: Ultimate Ears Blast Bluetooth Speaker for £133.23 on Amazon

For the sugar addict

In celebration of the day of love Krispy Kreme are bringing out three special doughnuts, perfect if your other half has a sweet tooth. Even better, you can get a limited edition box of three, so you’re basically buying yourself a gift too.

BUY NOW: Krispy Kreme The Valentine’s Dozen through Click & Collect doughnuts

For The Beatles fan

We’ve all got one in our life, that person who loves the Fab Four a bit too much. Make their V day dreams come true with this excellent, retro ‘All You Need Is Love’ mug and vinyl saucer set.

BUY NOW: The Beatles ‘All You Need Is Love’ Mug and saucer set £14.99 on TruffleShuffle

For one who fancies Louis Theroux more than they fancy you

Louis Theroux Retro BBC Men's Sweatshirt

The king of the documentaries is a bona fide heart throb. Show your other half you’ve recognised their obsession with Louis with an excellent Theroux jumper

BUY NOW: Louis Theroux Inspired Retro BBC Men’s Sweatshirt for £24.95 on NME Merch

For the cocktail fanatic

Night-Time Walks Cointreau book

They know the best place to get a mojito and can let you know the finest happy hours in their hometown on any given day of the week. Entertain their love of cocktails with this excellent travel book written by Alfred Cointreau (from the 6th generation of the Cointreau family, obvs) with bar recommendations all over the globe. It also comes with a bottle of Cointreau to swig as you read.

BUY NOW: Cointreau with Night-Time Walks Book for £32 from Harvey Nichols

Chambord ribbon box

Alternatively, if they’re more of a prosecco person, get them a bottle of Chambord so they can pimp their pre-drinks out!

BUY NOW: Chambord Raspberry Liqueur for £6.50 on Amazon

Sailor Jerry limited edition

And if they fancy themselves as a bit of a rum drinker, why not treat them to a bottle of Sailor Jerry rum in this gorgeous limited edition bottle!

BUY NOW: Sailor Jerry w/ a limited edition bottle £20.29 from all major supermarkets

For the one who constantly breaks their phone

Presidio Grip-iPhone X CarbonBlack

The screen repair people know them by name and they get through chargers like nobody’s business, so protect their most treasured possession with an actually decent phone case. It may not be the most romantic gift, but at least it’s practical.

BUY NOW: Speck Presidio Grip Enhanced Impact Protection on Amazon

For the totally house proud

Their home looks like it came straight of a catalogue, and you know if they have guests over there will be 3-5 business days of cleaning ahead of time. Appease their love of Instagram interior accounts with Malin+Goetz impossibly trendy new leather candle.

BUY NOW: Malin+Goetz Leather Candle for £40 from Liberty London

For the Bey + Jay fan

Buy Now: Jay Z & Bey Pair Of Pillow Cases

Whether ‘Crazy in Love’ is their absolute jam, or you catch them listening to ’99 Problems’ every single day, get the fan of the music industry’s most iconic couple these properly excellent pillow cases.

Buy Now: Jay Z & Bey Pair Of Pillow Cases for £14.95 on NME Merch