Faithless have heralded the age of the ‘promercial’ – Gavin Haynes asks, how will our favourite bands get on board?

Last weekend, festival-loving beige-o-maniacs Faithless released the world’s first ‘promercial’ ©: a cross between a music video and an ad for a Fiat.



We could earnestly evaluate this phenomenon as the rise of the new collaboration between music and hard commerce. Instead, let’s sketch out storylines for Five Promercials We’d Like To See Made…

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Interpol: Gillette Mach 4
After Top Gun-style jetfighter action, zooming round Monaco in an F1 car and a scene in which Paul Banks drives a powerboat along a perilously narrow canal, it ends with each of them at the washbasin, a white towel wrapped around their waists. CGI image of bristles being harvested by the Mach’s unique four-blade mechanism. Doomy cavernously reverbed single-string guitar plays ‘The Best A Man Can Get’ jingle.

Interpol

Kings Of Leon: Iceland
The rugged Kings become the new face of Iceland for their Christmas campaign. As they run through a winter wonderland, dressed as the Magi, pop-ups of individually portioned Xmas dinners flash up onscreen. Finally, Caleb turns towards the camera as a family-sized Christmas pudding (“Now only £4!”) is being flambéd at the Kings’ dinner table. “This pudding,” he drawls, “is on fire.” The sound of forced laughter fills the room.
Kings Of Leon

Prodigy: Frank
Band re-record ‘Smack My Bitch Up’ promo – only, after snorting and shagging her way through the video, the girl behind the camera sobs down the phone: “Yeah, I’m so scared, I don’t know what to do…” A sombre chord. A mockney voiceover. “Drugs can change your whole personality. For impartial advice you can trust, talk to FRANK.”

Prodigy

The Cribs: Topman
Jarman, Jarman, Jarman & Marr put aside the axe they’ve long ground against the Topshop Nation and decide to become its ‘brand ambassadors’, performing in a music video in which they frolic on a T4-style beachfront with a lot of overdressed yoofs, in their new own-brand Topshop ‘Hey Scenesters!’ range. Ends with Gary judging a wet T-shirt competition, and giving a leery thumbs-up. “Men’s needs,” he sleazes.

Cribs

Iggy Pop
The former icon of youth rebellion and give-a-fuck man-baiting attitude saddens everyone around him when he makes a series of lamentable take-offs of ‘The Passenger’ for Swiftcover. Ha! Like that’s ever going to happen! Oh, wait a minute…
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This article originally appeared in the August 21 issue of NME

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