You’re called Goldie not because of your gold teeth but because you used to have dreadlocks and looked like Goldilocks.
“I haven’t had long hair since I was 18! But that’s correct, yes.”
Hang on, that’s wasn’t the question! In Goldilocks And The Three Bears, whose porridge is just right?
Where did you paint graffiti piece ‘Future World Machines’ in 1987?
“Wolverhampton Art Gallery.”
Correct. Graffiti first brought you in contact with 3D from Massive Attack and Banksy, correct?
“Yeah. I’ve followed graffiti since the age
Are you still at it?
“Yes. I have an art show every year. I’ve just finished one in Korea. There are still a lot of really good people out there who do some amazing stuff.”
Why were you unable to appear on Channel 4’s The Games in 2006?
“I broke my leg, my femur, water ski jumping. Sorry. I was off my tits on acid!
Ha! All accidents happen for a reason.”
What did you serve when you appeared on Come Dine With Me’s Christmas special last year?
Correct. Can we have the recipe?
“It’s my wife’s recipe. I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you. Ha!”
You’ve recently taken a shine to classical music in BBC shows such as 2009’s Maestro, Classic Goldie and Goldie’s Band – By Royal Appointment. Which instrument is known as ‘the concertmaster’ and is the leader of the entire orchestra behind the conductor?
“Shite! I would say viola or cello.”
Wrong. Principal first violin
“That’s what I said! Viola’s got to be correct!”
[Wrong. A viola is tuned a 5th lower than the violin – Classical Ed]
Noel Gallagher and David Bowie feature on your 1998 album ‘Saturnz Return’. How long does opening track ‘Mother’ go on for?
“The actual master is 58 minutes, but we extended it with silence at the beginning and end to just over an hour.
I wanted to give the record companies the middle finger as to what I could and couldn’t do artistically.”
How much was your character Angel Hudson owed from Paul Trueman when you first appeared in EastEnders in 2001?
“Oh, bloody hell. Was it eight grand?”
Wrong. £30,000. And what did you do when he didn’t pay up?
“Shagged his girlfriend with very big feet!”
Er… trashed his mum’s bed and breakfast, apparently!
What colour dress was your dancing partner Kristina Rihanoff wearing when you were voted off Strictly Come Dancing in 2009?
“Ah, bloody hell. Pink?”
Wrong. Gold. To match your gold hat!
“There we go.”
How did you enjoy the Strictly experience?
“Check my bank account.”
Can you name the other five contestants who were with you in the Celebrity Big Brother house in 2002?
“Oh, God. Les Dennis. Melinda Messenger. Fucking hell. News presenter… woman… Anne Diamond. Mark from fucking Take That. And one more. Oh god. One more, one more… Glasses… Sue Perkins. Fantastic!”
Correct. Did you enjoy it?
“I grew up in children’s homes with 40 kids who didn’t know who each other was. So to spend five days with celebrities who all knew who each other was but pretended that they didn’t was a fucking good laugh!”
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You chose The Films of PT Anderson as your specialist subject on Celebrity Mastermind. In Boogie Nights, how big is Mark Wahlberg’s character Dirk Diggler’s penis?
“Ten and a half inches.”
Total Score – 7/10
“How’s my memory? What’s that? Pardon? Who are you? Excuse me? Where am I? What year is it?