Hotline Whinge: Drake’s 12 Biggest Moans On ‘Views’

Drake might now be a multi-millionaire, chart-humping, bone fide megastar, but he’s still the same sad Drake we’ve always know, loved and memed. Even on new album, ‘Views’, he’s still down in the dumps. Guess money, women, fast cars, top shelf liquor and massive furry coats really don’t make you happy after all. Here are Drake’s 12 biggest ‘Views’ complaints.

“Friends I don’t have anymore… guess what they say you need family for/’cos I can’t depend on you anymore” – ‘Keep The Family Close’

Over Bond theme worthy moody strings, Drake kicks off ‘Views’ in ultimate sad-boy mode, whining about a woman in shrugging, passive aggressive fashion. Come on, Drizzy – lighten up! Could be worse, you could be stranded outside the top of a giant Toronto landmark with no safety barrier to speak of. Oh, wait.

“Why you gotta fight with me at Cheesecake/You know I love to go there” – ‘Child’s Play’

‘Cheesecake’ if you didn’t know, is a reference to one of Drake’s all time fave restaurants – a North American chain called Cheesecake Factory, which, you guessed it, specialises in tempting dairy-based deserts.

“Ever since I left the city you/Got a reputation for yourself now/Everybody knows and I feel left out/Girl you got me down, you got me stressed out” – ‘Hotline Bling’

This is peak sad, complain-y Drake, feeling all left out and such.

“You like to slide on a late night/You send the “are you here?” text without an invite/That’s that shit that I don’t like” – ‘U With Me?’

Chief Keef reference aside, this is a lyric severely lacking in lolz.

“I was only gone for the last few months/But you don’t have the time to wait on me” – ‘Feel No Ways’

Aww.

“I did this shit for my nigga Renny/Back when we couldn’t buy pizza cause we were down to pennies” – ‘Weston Road Flows’

Drake used to be so skint he couldn’t even buy pizza. Now he can buy all the pizza in the world. But is he happy? Is he bollocks.

“This year for Christmas I just want apologies” – ‘Redemption’

Not a Furbie? Or, like, a new pair of brushed cotton PJs?

“You treat me like I’m born yesterday/you forgot my birthday” – ‘Weston Road Flows’

Forget Drizzy’s b’day at your peril.

“Why do I settle for women that force me to pick up the pieces?/Why do I want an independent woman to feel like she needs me?/I lost my way” – ‘Redemption’

Probably because you’re really high maintenance, Drake.

“Mixing vodka and emotions, tapping into your emotions/Dry cry cause I’m hopeless” – ‘With You’

#drycry

“Can’t get me on the line so they hang me out to dry for it… /And I can’t sleep these days unless I take one” – ‘9’

It’s tough at the top. Poor wee Drake is constantly getting shit from fellow rappers, and gets so stressy he has to drop a sleeping pill to take his mind off it. Poor wee mite.