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Apple are launching a new product next Wednesday. You may have heard about it. It's variously been labelled "book publishing's iPod moment", "Apple's next revolutionary innovation," and a "critical turning point in the way we use all sorts of media."

Sounds amazing, doesn't it? The only down-side being that, er, no-one really knows what it's called, or what it does.



The only things we know for sure are that the iPad/iSlate/iTablet/iWhatever has got a 10.5 inch screen and will enable you to read books. Exactly like an Amazon Kindle, then, except no-one in the media cares about that - despite the fact that hundreds of thousands of regular folk have already bought one - because Amazon aren't sleek and sexy and cutting-edge like Apple, and the boss of Amazon presumably doesn't look as cool in a pair of jeans as Steve Jobs.

Still, given that Apple's modus operandi is generally to take an existing product and make it look groovy and desirable, I've hazarded a few guesses as to what this earth-shaking innovation might be. Feel free to add your own suggestions - and let us know whether you'll be buying Apple's mystery device - by posting a comment below.



iClock
Basically an alarm clock, but with one revolutionary difference - it's got a scroll wheel on the top. Public Enemy's Flavor Flav would endorse it by wearing an iClock round his neck in a slick, primary-colour TV ad soundtracked by The Drums.

iPlate
A dual-purpose, digital crockery unit with multi-touch technology (ie: you can touch it with both hands). Industry analysts say it will revolutionise the way we eat dinner.

iShelf
Slick, desirable multi-media device that enables users to store books, magazines, DVDs and CDs in one place. Experts say it will revolutionise the way we think about shelves.

iStick
Revolutionary pet exercise device. Simply hurl into the air and wait for your dog to retrieve it. Similar to a regular stick, but with a slick, desirable user interface.

iPlug
Apple's slickest and most desirable product yet: a pocket-sized device that serves a raft of in-home functions. Industry insiders say it will revolutionise the way we have baths.

iRate
Not a product, but rather how you feel after reading endless nerdy, ass-kissy pieces about how Steve Jobs' latest launch is going to change the world.

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