If you thought all novels by comedians were bad – and they are, without exception, literary arse-gravy all – prepare for a new low in celebrity publishing.

Stuart Cable, ex-drummer with Stereophonics and the man who appeared on beermats across Wales beside the slogan “Check your nads, lads!” in aid of testicular cancer, has this week published his memoirs. It promises to “reveal the true personalities” of Kelly ‘He’s Got A Personality?’ Jones and, um, whoever else is in the Stereophonics and, according to early reports, makes Katie Price look like Dostoyevsky…

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