Not the royal wedding: here’s loads of better stuff to do today

Sack off watching some people you don't know get hitched and do this instead

Listen to Courtney Barnett’s new album and drink tinnies in the garden

The Aussie rocker is back with one her most personal albums yet, ‘Tell Me How You Really Feel’. It’s packed with Courtney wit but with an extra dose of melancholy. A good soundtrack for today, then. – Charlotte Gunn

Go see Deadpool 2

Ryan Reynolds’ ultra-meta Marvel superhero returns to the silver screen in this filthy second adventure, this time taking on Josh Brolin’s cybernetic villain Cable. Don’t miss the 1-second cameo from Brad actual Pitt.

Escape to Brighton

Jump on the first train to Brighton and get in on the action at The Great Escape. It might be the last day but there’s still a decent bunch of bands left to play like Bully, Life, The Magic Gang and many more. As if you need an excuse to have a few tinnies on the beach. – Rhys Buchanan

Watch this video of when we met Rae Sremmurd this week

It’s funny.

Watch the FA Cup Final

English football’s biggest cup competition has lost some of its famous “magic”, and finals are often uncompetitive, but this year’s Wembley showdown might be… fun? In the red corner, Jose Mourinho’s Manchester United; in the blue, Antonio Conte’s Chelsea. Both teams are desperate for silverware, and anything other than victory would represent a right royal balls-up of their season. It’ll be tense, unlike the formalities at Windsor Chapel. – Jamie Milton

Dance the day away at Printworks

Meg’s hen do probably wasn’t a big ‘ol sesh, so instead of watching the Royal Wedding why not do it for her? This weekend Printworks are boasting a huge line-up curated by the legendary DJ Harvey, that includes Hot Chip and Peggy Gou. Could even Whatsapp Princess M after to show her what she was missing. – Hannah Mylrea

Chain-watch all of 13 Reasons Why Season 2

It’s just come on Netflix, there’s 13 episodes, it’ll take you at least nine hours to get through it, it’s basically the perfect way to avoid the wedding. – Hannah Mylrea

Use the time to avoid the queues

Everybody will be sat, immobile in front of their tellies or necking Pimms at a street party, use these precious moment to visit all those places that are normally completely rammed: Oxford Street, Alton Towers, big-Tescos on a Saturday… – Hannah Mylrea

Go to the cinema

It’ll probably be dead quiet, so you won’t have to worry about those heathens who text throughout the film and chomp a little too loudly on their popcorn. – Hannah Mylrea

Catch up on ‘The Bridge’

The greatest Scandi-noir crime drama of all time is back as the first two episodes of the fourth and final season hit BBC Four. Saga Norén finds herself in prison, in the hope of returning with Henrik Sabroe for more social awkwardness, sexual tension and bloody murder. If none of this makes sense, lock yourself indoors and get dark by catching up on all four seasons on iPlayer now. – Andrew Trendell

Get inside the brain of Alex Turner

Want to understand the myriad musical, film and literary influences that shaped Arctic Monkeys’ surreal sci-fi new album ‘Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino’? Then wrap your mind around these: – Andrew Trendell