We’ve come a long way since man first landed on the moon in 1969, and while rock stars as great as Jimi Hendrix and David Bowie fantasised about what it would be like to gad about in the cosmos, it looks as though Lady Gaga will be the first pop singer proper to perform out of this world (Bob Geldof is heading there earlier as a space tourist, though nobody is likely to ask him to sing in space... or on earth for that matter).
Anyway, it got us thinking about musicians we’d like to send into space, and wouldn’t be too fussed if their shuttle went awol either. Oh listen to you, getting all upset about me wishing doom and disaster on these poor musicians, it would be a heroic way to go!
Pop producer will.i.am was born to be an astronought, he’s permanently attired like a camp action man in his space pajamas anyway, and he’s used to large expanses of nothing, mostly sat between his ears. He could take Fergie and co. with him and perform as the Black Hole Peas. Did you see what I did there? A one-way trip to outer space would be preferable, though a one-way ticket to Outer Mongolia would do the trick.
He’s not the messiah, he’s a very naughty boy. Relatively speaking, things have been going from bad to worse for the Canadian pop singer, who’s butter-wouldn’t-melt image has been tarnished recently by reports of him hanging out at houses of ill-repute and graffiting walls with ne’er a care in the world. What’s more, Katy Perry has just overtaken him as most followed on Twitter. A foray into space would reignite flagging interest (he’s only got 46.6m followers, bless him) and keep the young man out of trouble for a while.
Before man went into space they sent a monkey first. To test the expanses of blackness for Gaga, why not send priapic sex monkey Robin Thicke ahead of her? Obviously nobody would need to give Robin a hand getting his rocket up into space, because Robin can get it up all by himself. I don’t know about you, but I just done a little sick. Robin can spend his days chasing Alien Sex Fiends, unless he gets wiped out by a meteor shower or something. That would be just awful.
Uber pop sensation Rihanna is readying her eighth studio album in as many years, and one wonders when she’ll ever take a break. A good year floating in a tin can would do the ubiquitous Barbadian R&B singer some good and give her time to work out her priorities and maybe some time to cool off. And then hopefully we won’t have to contend with a tweet like this one ever again:
FUCK U SATAN!!! Fuck right off!!!!!— Rihanna (@rihanna) February 1, 2012
As magnificent as it was watching Commander Chris Hadfield perform Space Oddity in space, imagine if David Bowie himself performed Space Oddity in space?!! Though given that the legend hasn’t even given an interview or played live since his return, the chances of getting him up in a spaceship are, er, Thin White Duke to none. But still, it doesn’t hurt to dream...
Who would you send into space?