The Happy Monday mouthpiece takes the test
Happy Mondays and The Stone Roses famously both appeared on the same episode of Top Of The Pops in November 1989. Ian Brown didn’t bother to sing. What, according to a BBC engineer, was odd about Bez’s maracas?
Wrong. Apparently they were empty ’cos he couldn’t be trusted with real ones
“Give over! Where have you got that? It was all fucking mimed anyway! I’ll tell you what I do remember. Nobody had a clue who we was, so I wanted Ian to play drums in my band, I was going to sing in his band and Mani was going to sing in my band. It would have made great telly, but none of the shitbags in my band or their band would do it!”
A photo of you and your family hangs in which gallery?
“Not got a clue.”
Wrong. The National Portrait Gallery
“Which family is that? I’ve got a few. Is it an old photo? What, with the exes on there and the kids who are now in their twenties? Right, OK, got ya.”
From what letter are you hanging from on the rooftop sign of the Hotel Subur Maritim in Sitges, Barcelona on the front cover of NME in March 1990?
“That’s a retard question. It’s an E. Keep ’em all like that and I might do alright. Ha!”
What piece of office equipment did you take to Glastonbury in 1990?
“Office equipment? The only thing I took to Glastonbury in 1990 was a ton of tin foil!”
Wrong. Apparently you took a colour photocopier and laminator to print your own passes
“We were doing our own passes, but did we take a photocopier? I can’t remember. We might have!”
You collaborated with British tenor Russell Watson on ‘Barcelona’. What did Watson claim on Never Mind The Buzzcocks was odd about the recording session?
“I’ve not got a clue.”
Wrong. He claims he sang some of your lyrics himself
“No. It was actually me who sang his lyrics!”
What was on your rider (no pun intended) when you DJed at Liverpool’s Ruby Sky nightclub over the Easter Bank Holiday weekend?
“I didn’t DJ at Liverpool’s Ruby Sky nightclub but a couple of newspapers said how great my DJ set was, and how I’ve straightened up, which is true, and how I was drinking tea. But I wasn’t there! I was in Spain with my family and children.”
Along with you, which other Mancunian frontman is allegedly barred for life from Manchester’s Dry Bar?
“That’s not been true either for the last 10 years. I’ve considered suing. So has Liam.
It’s a load of bullshit. So… me and Liam.”
Channel 4’s Compliance Manual states what after your two appearances on teatime telly programme TFI Friday?
“I was banned from doing any live television on Channel 4, which is really funny considering I effed and jeffed all the way through the [I’m A Celebrity…] jungle. It’s now been changed. About three or four days after I got out of the jungle, I got a thing saying it was now defunct. ”
Correct. “Please note that the Channel 4 Board has undertaken to the ITC that Shaun Ryder will not appear live on Channel 4”
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You and Bez appeared in a hottub full of naked ladies when you guest-edited what top-shelf magazine?
“Ah. Penthouse. We spent the day editing it. Bez gave all the birds E, so some of them are all E’d up in that bath so they didn’t mind when we got a bit touchy-feely.”
Factory Records boss Tony Wilson once said you were the best poet since who?
“[John] Keats. (1795-1821, English romantic poet – Poetry Ed).”
Wrong. WB Yeats. (1865-1939, Irish poet and figurehead of modern literature – Poetry Ed again)
Total Score: 5/10
“It must be all those drinks and drugs. I’ve cleaned up now. Maybe that’s why there are parts of my life I don’t want to remember. Ha!”
The Braincells Hall Of Shame – who’s scored what in the quiz so far:
1. Tommy Lee, Motley Crue (2)
2. John Lydon (2.5)
3. Skream, Magnetic Man (3)
4. Tricky (3.5)
5. Jenny Lee Lindberg, Warpaint (4)
6. Jim Goodwin, Doves (4)
7. Aled Jones (4)
8. Tim Burgess, The Charlatans (4)
9. Theo Hutchcraft, Hurts (4)
10. Iggy Pop (4)
11. Nikki Sixx, Motley Crue (4.5)
12. Meat Loaf (5)
13. Ray Davies (5)
14. Miles Kane (5)
15. Frank Turner (5)
16. Stuart Braithwaite, Mogwai (5.5)
17. The Coral (5.5)
18. Adam Ant (6)
19. Mani (6)
20. John Lydon (6)
21. Scott Weiland, Stone Temple Pilots (6)
22. Gene Simmons, Kiss (6)
23. Mike Shinoda, Linkin Park (6)
24. Murph, the Wombats (6)
25. Gary Numan (6)
26. Raekwon, Wu Tang Clan (6)
27. Tjinder Singh, Cornershop (6)
28. David Johansen, New York Dolls (6)
29. J Mascis, Dinosaur Jr (6)
30. Carl Barat (6.5)
31. Kelly Jones, Stereophonics (6.5)
32. Eugene Kelly, The Vaselines (6.5)
33. Tom DeLonge, Blink 182 (6.5)
34. Goldie (7)
35. Debbie Harry (7)
36. Billy Bragg (7)
37. Liam Fray, The Courteeners (7)
38. Damon Gough, badly drawn boy (7)
39. Rolf Harris (7)
40. Vince Neil, motley Crue (7)
41. Tim Wheeler (7)
42. Johnny Marr (7)
43. Dave Navarro (7)
44. Ray Manzarek, The Doors (7.5)
45. Jon Spencer (7.5)
46. Gerry Casale, Devo (7.5)
47. Michael Evis (8)
48. Orbital (8)
49. Serge Pizzorno, Kasabian (8)
50. Kyle Falconer, The View (8)
51. Stuart Murdoch, Belle & Sebastian (9)
52. Brett Anderson, Suede (9)
53. Alice Cooper (9)
54. Alex James (9)