Testing musicians’ memories after a lifetime of abuse. This week we test Madness' Suggs.

Madness are playing Reading and Leeds this weekend…
“Correct.”
…Er, that’s not the question
“Pity.”



The question is this: Madness are also hosting The House Of Fun Weekender at Butlins in Minehead in November, which will feature which two legendary darts players?
“We’ve got Phil Thingamabob Whatshisname. The Governor. Big Phil. And also the Viking Australian bloke.”
Er, wrong. Wayne Mardle, Peter Manley. Why darts?
“We were tempted not to have any girls on the bill at all and call it Bloke Fest. We had to drop the jousting, the scrambling, the archery. Now we’re just left with the darts.”

You recorded ‘Blue Day’ with Chelsea FC for the 1997 FA Cup Final. What was the final score?
“One-nil to Chelsea.”
Wrong. Chelsea 2, Middlesbrough 0
“I knew we won one fucking cup final one-nil!” [Actually, three: in 2000, 2007 and 2010 – Football Ed].

Name three items saved in Salvage Squad, the Channel 4 machinery restoration show you co-hosted in the early 2000s.
“A miniature submarine. A combine harvester. My career. My bank balance. And a tank.” Correct. Also a steamroller, a tram, a locomotive and a ploughing engine.

You sang on Morrissey’s 1990 single ‘Piccadilly Palare’ and 1991’s ‘Sing Your Life’. Which Morrissey B-side cover version did Madness backing singer Chas Smash sing on?
“Not ‘You’re The One For Me, Fatty’? A cover? I don’t know.”
Wrong. ‘That’s Entertainment’ by The Jam.

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What was the name of the pop star you played in a 1990 episode of youth newsroom drama Press Gang?
"Fuck. Can’t remember.”
Wrong. Jason Woods.

You co-managed and co-produced ’90s Liverpudlian band The Farm, whose 1995 hit ‘All Together Now’ was covered by which band for the 2006 World Cup?
“The Flying Planets?”
Wrong. Atomic Kitten.
“Close, wasn’t I, though?”

How many Suggses are there on the front cover of your debut solo album ‘The Lone Ranger’?
“Three!”
Correct.



Name the two songs with ‘peas’ in the title you come up with as you pass the peas around the kitchen table in your 2007 advert for Birdseye Frozen Peas.
“'It Must Peas Love’. And…”
Half a point. Also, ‘I’m Peasy Like Sunday Morning’. Happy days?
“Hap–pea days. Although I was disappointed I didn’t get the chance to mess about on the boat with the kids like Captain Birdseye.”

You got your nickname from sticking a pin in an encyclopaedia of jazz and landing on jazz drummer Peter Suggs. But what instrument does Marvin Suggs play in The Muppet Show?
“Damn damn damn. Not the drums, ’cause that’s the monster thing [Animal – Muppet Ed]. Fuck it. Go on then.”
Wrong. The Muppaphone, which is a group of small, furry Muppets who go “ow” when hit on the head.
“Goddamn it! It’s so obvious but so difficult when you’re on the spot.”

You danced to ‘You Never Can Tell’ from Pulp Fiction with Zoë Ball in 2009’s Let’s Dance For Comic Relief. What’s the name of John Travolta’s character in Pulp Fiction who you dressed and danced as?
“Is the ritual humiliation over yet?”
Wrong. Vincent Vega. Did you have fun?
“I’m a big fan of dancing. It was nice. I like Zoë and we had some fun along the way.”

Total Score: 2.5/10

“Thank you very much. My memory's obviously not as good as I thought it was. But you were asking me things I'm not necessarily going to want written on my gravestone”

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