We were thrown into a mild panic when The Black Eyed Peas announced they were going on indefinite hiatus last week.
I mean, who else in the pop universe is going to provide us with the comedy gold that their career has furnished us with?
Their run of hits – those shameless, attention seeking and utterly preposterous hits – have taken a pickaxe to the very foundations of pop. So let’s look at their worst offenders.
1) 'My Humps'
Sexist on multiple levels and just plan idiotic. With its lyrics about a lady enticing her beau so much with her "humps" that he has given her free range of his credit card, it marked the end of those intelligent, War Of The Sexes pop anthems (see 'Bills Bills Bills' and 'All N My Grill') and the beginning of the indentikit, europop dross about being at a club looking for ‘shorty’ which has cluttered up the chart of late. Plus, getting poor, clueless Fergie to emote the faux-Lolitaish lyrics in a baby voice, is tantamount to bullying.
2) ‘The Time (Dirty Bit)'
After the huge selling ‘I Gotta Feeling’ , there was the sense that will.i.am was sat in his hilltop mansion, drinking Absinthe and looking into the crystal ball saying to anyone who'd listen: "Now, how am I going to make another spirit crushing megahit?" (cue maniacal laughter). Clearly by kidnapping a well-loved 80s classic and crushing it into submission via a bad stutter and a simpleton’s Ibiza soundtrack. *Shudder*.
3) ‘London Bridge’
Whilst strictly not a BEP track, it might as well have been as it was sung by Fergie as well as featuring the whole band in the video. A pun gone mutant (Fergie named her album ‘The Dutchess’ because of Sarah Ferguson aka ‘Fergie’ and ‘Fergie’ was part of the British Royal family and London is in Britain. Oh shut up…), it found Fergie dropping phrases like, "Love you long time". Because quoting the Vietnamese prostitute in Full Metal Jacket is apparently really, really cool.
4) ‘I Gotta Feeling’
This is the song equivalent of crack for anyone at a wedding, bar mitzvah or birthday party - and that's exactly what makes it so awful. Put this on and people lose all sense and self control and dance like they have suddenly discovered that their shoes will self destruct in 30 seconds.
5) ‘Pump It’
Just because it made us hate Dick Dale.
Goodbye then, BEP, the charts won't be same without your irony-free funtimes. We'll just have to wait for that next will.i.am solo album...