NSFW! Blink-182’s Rudest Ever Lyrics

Nobody has ever confused Blink-182 with being arbiters of taste and decency. Ever since their 1995 debut ‘Cheshire Cat’, they’ve been kings of the dick joke. And butt joke. And boob joke. And bestiality joke. And incest joke. And the bordering-on-the-boundaries-of-sexism joke. Oh Blink! What eternal scamps you are!

Though they might have matured in their old age – we can find hardly any references to sodomy on their latest album ‘California’ – they’re still committed to crudeness when running through their grubby old hits live. We’ve scoured Blink’s back catalogue to gather together the most downright disgusting lyrics Mark Hoppus and ex-member Tom DeLonge ever uttered. It kind of goes without saying, this is peak NSFW content. Also, please remember that the below lyrics were written by actual grown men. There’s hope for us all.

‘Fuck A Dog’
“I want to fuck a dog in the ass/He Wants to fuck a dog in the ass/I want to fuck a dog/That’s right kids/I Tried to fuck your mom in the ass/Tried to fuck your dad in the ass/Could only find the dog/And it’s ass”

Blink love animals. But not in the same way that, like, your auntie loves animals. They love animals in, like, the same way that those nice people on Love Island love each other.

‘Voyeur’
“I can’t be too cool in a tree with my pants down/The air is cold and I’ve got splinters in my feet/She caught me once but I don’t think that she cares now/Unlike before, her view is now blocked by a leaf”

At first glace, this doesn’t seem too rude – aside from the pants reference. But then, then you realise that this whole song is about a stalker situation and it becomes quite repellent. Worth putting in a call to the police should you ever find a half naked member of an iconic pop-punk band stood outside your bedroom window. They’re definitely up to no good.

‘Waggy’
“I’ll open my eyes, I’ve got something inside/I’ll just jack off in my room until then”

At least he’s staying in his room this time, I suppose.

‘Josie (Everything’s Gonna Be Fine)’

“Yeah, my girlfriend takes collect calls from the road/And it doesn’t seem to matter that I’m lacking in the bulge”

Imagine going out with someone in Blink-182. You’d have to put up with all manner of nonsense. And on top of that, all you’ve got to look forward to when they come back off tour is a micropenis. What a brave woman this Josie is.

‘Degenerate’
“Smoked a bong, killed a cat/Had my nuts attacked by rats”

This is probably the animal kingdom’s revenge for fucking that dog.

‘Dumpweed’
“I need a girl that I can train”

Girls are not for training. They’re for, you know, being human and stuff.

‘What’s My Age Again’

“We started making out/And she took off my pants/But then I turned on the TV”

This one’s gross mainly because of the image of the barenaked butt of a man on a sofa. All the Jif in the world won’t help with the aftermath of that.

‘Dysentery Gary’
“Your mom’s a whore”

Nice.

‘The Party Song’
“Far from people I hate/Down from anywhere state/Trying to intoxicate girls/To give them head after the party”

To be fair, Blink are slagging off nasty jocks here – so it’s not them out date raping people at a house party. But still – why don’t they step in and say something, rather than moaning into their Bud Lite?

‘The Party Song’
“With green eyes and long blonde hair/She wasn’t wearing underwear”

You wish.

‘The Party Song’
“Her volume of makeup/Her fake tits were tasteless”

Her makeup and her fake tits are her choice. So back off.

‘Mutt’
“He wants to bone, this I know/She is ready to blow”

Spoken like a true zenmaster. A sexual Yoda. A horny Dalai Lama. He knows, ladies and gents.

‘Anthem’
“Forgive our neighbour Bob, I think he humped the dog”

Are you sure it was Bob? Because going on previous form, we have every right to assume it was you guys.

‘Happy Holidays, You Bastard’
“And I’ll never talk to you again/Unless your dad will suck me off/I’ll never talk to you again/Unless your mom will touch my cock/I’ll never talk to you again/Ejaculate into a sock”

We’ve all been there. Oh no, wait, we’ve never, ever, ever been there. Ever.

‘Happy Holidays, You Bastard’
“It’s Labor day and my grandpa just ate seven fucking hotdogs/And he shit shit shits his pants/He’s always fucking shitting his pants”

A bit unfair on grandpa, this. How would you like it if your scummy grandkid told the world about your bowel trouble?

‘When You Fucked Grandpa’
“When you fucked grandpa did he tell you that he loved you?/Did he hold you till the sun did rise and did he look into your eyes/And ask you to fellate him, and stick a finger or two in his ass”

Or maybe they just have a pretty unconventional relationship with grandpa. We’ll never truly know.

‘Reckless Abandon’
“He took a shit in the bathroom tub/And fed the dog brownie drugs/Tried hard not to get caught/He fucked a chick in the parking lot”

Tuesdays, eh?

‘Mother’s Day’
“Fucking and sucking and touching/Fucking and sucking and touching/Fucking and sucking and touching”

We get it. It’s a joke. But we reckon even the Blink boys had a hard time explaining this one to their actual mothers.