The Lamest Musical Hook-Ups Ever

As Thom Yorke enlists Red Hot Chili Peppers bassist Flea for live dates, here are a few of the more unlikely collaborations from down the years.

Elton John joined Eminem for a thoroughly rancid performance of ‘Stan’ at the Grammys in 2001.

The man born Reginald Dwight seems to harbour a masochistic urge to duet with any artist who has been abused of rank homophobia: he also performed with Guns’N’Roses in 1992.

However, there’s something knowingly naff about Sir Elt that rescues him from the realm of the truly abysmal. Unlike these shockers:

Gwyneth Paltrow & Huey Lewis, ‘Cruisin”
The future Mrs Chris Martin joins the 80s smoothie famous for ‘The Power Of Love’ for a faxed-in run-through of Smokey Robinson’s dullest song. Astonishingly, this was actually a sizeable US hit in 2000.

Space feat. Cerys Matthews, ‘The Ballad Of Tom Jones’
Captures all the glamour and excitement of an episode of CD:UK in 1999.

Tricky and Terry Hall, ‘Ghost Town’
Whose bright idea was it to transform one of the all-time great protest anthems into a tedious dirge?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRR2yPWVDrE

Celine Dion and Anastacia, ‘You Shook Me All Night Long’
The distressing sound of two tungsten-lunged harpies attempting to out-bellow each other for four minutes. So bad it almost broke music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5D2pGsZhbo

Dolly Parton and Sylvester Stallone, ‘Sweet Lovin’ Friends’
Recorded for the widely-panned 1984 film ‘Rhinestone’, this atrocious hoe-down saw Sly unveil a singing voice that was somewhere between Vic Reeves’ gibberish ‘Club Style’ and the agonising death throes of a stricken cave bear.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePivPcSXXLs

Michael Jackson and Eddie Murphy, ‘Whatzupwitu’
What do you mean you don’t remember it? Years before impregnating Scary Spice or starring in ‘Norbit’, the highest-grossing film star in history hooked up with Jacko for this gibberish non-hit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yoIkQFuF6g

Primal Scream and Kate Moss, ‘Some Velvet Morning’
It’s doubtful if even the Scream themselves remember recording this Lee Hazlewood/Nancy Sinatra cover.

Happy Mondays and Karl Denver, ‘Lazyitis’
One can only imagine the cocktail of psychoactive chemicals that led Shaun Ryder’s gang to collaborate with the wizened Scottish yodeller best known for a version of ‘Wimoweh’.