What’s The Point Of ‘X Factor’ Without Simon Cowell?

So we could be set to say goodbye to the linchpin of talent show TV Simon Cowell, as reports suggest he’s leaving us to concentrate on the US. NME.COM ed Luke Lewis has quite rightly pointed out the reasons why we won’t miss the judge in his blog.

However, I’m concerned that without Cowell The X Factor is going to become even more of an unstoppable fame farm, where every single contestant is promised that they will, “Definitely win this year’s contest.” There will be no one there to play Mr. Nasty and tell the crap ones that they are, well, crap.

Simon Cowell

Let’s get one thing straight, I’m not a fan of X Factor and I think Simon Cowell is a knob – but I have been known to watch the show occasionally. You get sucked in, watching the mini car crash TV biopic of ‘Lambrini from Totton’ as she gets her five minutes of fame and messes it up. Without the ruthless Mr. Cowell, it’s going to turn into a sickly cheese-fest of unbearable levels – much worse than it is now.

As with American Idol, which lacks a ‘Mr. Nasty’, every contestant will be raised like the Messiah above the judges’ heads and promised fame and fortune before they’ve even sung a word. They’ll be praised until their ego literally explodes all over the screen. Who could play the role as well as Cowell? Who would tell Lambrini that “It’s a no”? With such a theatrical show where worldwide fame is promised to anyone and everyone – they need a theatrical baddie.

Simon Cowell

The brutal Cowell doesn’t fall for an annoying sob story – as Dannii and Cheryl try to force a tear out of their immaculately botoxed faces, he tends to remain icy cold at even the worst tales of emotional hardship. These are, of course, soundtracked by a Westlife song as Louis counts the royalties rolling in. And that’s another point, who the hell is going to shout Louis Walsh down as he starts talking rubbish if Simon isn’t there?

As Louis Walsh leaps around getting excited about the prospect of someone with a terrible voice changing their lives and enjoying a worldwide career of fame and glamour – or even worse, Jedward – Simon’s cut-throat attitude reminds those who might get sucked into the X Factor that it really is all about the money. You can practically see his eyes glazing over and pound signs floating across his pupils when a pretty 16-year-old with a good voice and the potential to be moulded into a lucrative chart success walks onto the stage.

Finally, as the show becomes more and more about the dresses that Cheryl and Dannii are wearing (the latter often promoting her own clothing line, the former wearing whatever is handed to her by ‘her people’ without question), his constant high waistline and creepy low cut tops balance out the glitz. It reminds us why we really watch it, to enjoy people who can’t sing messing up their auditions, not to marvel at Cheryl’s hair extensions. Without Cowell, everyone will get the coveted ‘three yes’s’ and we’ll get even more, gulp, Jedwards.

Yes, X Factor and Simon Cowell represent all that is bad in the music industry, but let’s face it – the show isn’t going away any time soon and Mr. Nasty took some of the glitter off of it. Without him it’s going to be even more of a vomit-inducing, Disney-esque, American Idol-style cheese-fest.

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