Captain James Blunt is heading back to the frontline. According to a story out today, the army officer turned housewives’ favourite has booked a ticket to Afghanistan this Christmas so he can “sing the Taliban into surrender”. The goofy crooner is taking his back catalogue – plus what The Mirror’s calling the “upbeat rock tracks” of his third album – to a cave near you in an attempt to bring this long and bloody conflict to a close.
It could potentially be a lot more devastating than four guys with rucksacks from Leeds. Can even the most entrenched insurgent handle a full set of tracks from ‘Back To Bedlam’ without running out, hands in the air, screaming for mercy? Will Bin Laden start headbutting a rock to get ‘You’re Beautiful’ out of his head? And what will happen when Blunt unleashes ‘High’?
It’s a bold move, one reminiscent of the US Army’s playlist of misery tracks – music deployed to drive inmates at military prisons insane that included the likes of Eminem, Metallica and the Sesame Street theme tune – and it got us thinking, who else should we send to the world’s trouble spots?
Perhaps a 24-hour Rock The Basra festival, with Abe Vigoda, Mika, Robert Fripp, Robbie Williams and Storm off X Factor playing one long unbearable marathon. In fact, maybe we could ship each X Factor dropout over there as they drop off the show.
Gorillaz seem to be everywhere at once all the time - maybe Murdoc could ride an unmanned drone over the Helmand province playing Kate Bush albums on repeat. Hurts might start to hurt after a while. Courtney? The Crystal Castles tour ends in December…
Who do you think we should send out to join Blunty?