Why Are There No Good Michael Jackson Remixes?

So Michael Jackson just announced ten London dates at the O2. Whatever you say about the Jesus Juice connoisseur he’s arguably architect of the greatest solo output ever made and behind a pretty much untouchable body of work, in which I’m fervently including ‘Bad’ and ‘Dangerous’.

Michael Jackson O2

I for one will be blagging my way into as many of the summer O2 gigs as possible as he knocks back every naysayer night after night. So he’s 50. That’s 19 years younger than Tina Turner, who Louboutinned her way through fifty years of hits at the same venue last night, throwing away ‘River Deep-Mountain High’ three songs in and wowing not just the kerazy wig-wearing mums from Sevenoaks but a whole spectrum of fans (sort of).

Plus anyone who can do this deserves at least one night of your lives at Greenwich’s tented Vegas:


and this


So why are there no good remixes of the man’s work?

There’s bootlegs all over the place. The Baddest One I Know isn’t too bad. Listening to it is like a Proustian wrestling match in my head between my eight-year old self on Christmas Day and the same fella eight years later down the line on the dancefloor at the Powerhouse in Bristol.

This page has a truckload of mash-up abominations including MJ Vs Eminem (just about works), The White Stripes (painful), S Club 7 (incentive to get off the site and get back to work), Blondie (OK, I really am going to stop now) and The Weather Girls (that one started on its own).

Even whole remix albums didn’t yield anything halfway decent. Jacko Vs Backstreet Boys is the best of the rotten bunch I came across.

But all the remixes were seemingly done at the time and (some 12″ extensions aside) utter garbage rustled up by a stream of badly-named nobodies shortly to disappear into the ether. Anyone got any Megajam? Brothers In Rhythm? How about DJ Feelgood? You mean you never got the Rogers Underground Solution mix of ‘Can You Feel It?’?

I think it’s safe to say remixing’s moved on a bit since then.

With so many great remixers around, and so so so many decent parts in every tune, plus the big man hitting the comeback trail, it’s time for the new generation to step up to the challenge.

I’ve put a request in with South Central. Any other DJs want to take up the challenge I’ll distribute their tracks right here (ahem if you’re reading this Drop The Lime)…