Soap operas generally exist in a vacuum, don’t they. It’s sort of like the real world, but no-one eats brand name cereal and the pints looks suspiciously like water and food colouring. It could only be weirder if a storyline were to cross over into our universe and revolve around Noel Gallagher, which is exactly what’s happening in Emmerdale right now.
The plot is hinged on two tickets to see Noel and his High Flying Birds, which Moira (played by Natalie J. Robb) has bought for her husband Cain (Jeff Hordley) to celebrate their anniversary. Except, oh dear, the tickets have gone missing. Moira’s daughter – Cain’s stepdaughter – Holly (Sophie Powles) suggests they may have been stolen by Cain’s ex-lover Charity (Emma Atkins), who returned to the Yorkshire Dales after spending the past year half the world away in prison.
Last night’s episode saw Moira have it out with customer services and learn that they would not, readers, replace the tickets.
Stop crying your heart out, Moira. Instead of hitting up eBay to buy them again for eight times the original price, she stormed over to have it out with Charity, who denied any wrong-doing.
Returning home, Moira told Cain: “I got you some Noel Gallagher tickets for our anniversary but don’t get too excited because Charity stole them.” Cain took it pretty well, though he probably would have lost his shit if they were tickets to a full-blown Oasis reunion.
Oh, but remember the episode before this, when we saw Holly – Moira’s daughter and Cain’s stepdaughter, remember – intercept the tickets and tear them up in a fit of jealous rage because she has developed a crush on Cain, her own stepfather, after he dramatically rescued her from her dastardly drug-dealer ex-boyfriend? Little by little, a full picture is emerging here.
It’s a confusing place, this world that we live in, and sometimes you fancy your stepfather and the only way to express that love is by tearing up Noel Gallagher gig tickets and pinning the blame on said stepfather’s shady former lover. We know what you’re wondering: what does Noel think? That’s one story arc we’ll be following very closely indeed.