Call yourself a Monkeys fan do ya? Want to be in Alex’s Turner’s gang? Well, you need to put the work in. Here are some things only the most devout followers of the Converse-clad indie quartet will know.
1. You’ve been on a pilgrimage to The Grapes
Even if you live in Cornwall, or Aberdeen, you’ve made the trip.
2. You check Matt Helders’ Instagram for band news
3. You’ve also attempted this
4. You know about, support and own all their releases outside the band
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That includes Nick O’Malley’s work with The Dodgems, Alex Turner’s Mini Mansions feature, and even Matt Helders’ P Diddy collaboration. No, especially that one.
5. You’re still waiting for The Cautious Horse to open
The Cautious Horse is what Matt Helders said he would call his hypothetical Sheffield pub – and it’s his Instagram handle actually – but former bassist Andy Nicholson has actually opened a Sheffield pub called The Bowery, and you’ve been there.
6. You know what ‘A Choice Of Three’ is and you’ve listened to it in full
7. You know who directed the band’s live DVD ‘At The Apollo’
Richard Ayoade, of course! Also an actor, of The I.T. Crowd fame.
8. One of your favourite films of 2010? Submarine
Also directed by Richard Ayoade, and soundtracked beautifully by Alex Turner himself.
9. You have, or have met someone who has, an Arctic Monkeys tattoo
Could be a simple album artwork shoutout like this:
Could be something subtler…
10. You have tried and failed to complete the Cornerstone pub crawl
There’s actually a thread on this Sheffield forum trying to figure out whether it’s full of oblique references to actual pubs you can go to. You have, obviously, read this thread before.
11. This was you when Alex dropped the mic at the Brits 2014…
You know, the one where he said ‘rock’n’roll will never die’
12. You know all the right dance moves
13. This keeps happening to you and it’s really embarrassing
15. You’ve probably taken inspiration from a certain man’s barnet
16. You know the answer to the chicken/egg question
Yep, it’s ‘dickhead’.
17. ‘Post mix lemonade’ is in your arsenal of insults
18. Every so often you’ll stop and think about one of their lyrics
Like this one, for example:
19. You’re waiting for new Arctic Monkeys music like