Call yourself a Monkeys fan do ya? Want to be in Alex’s Turner’s gang? Well, you need to put the work in. Here are some things only the most devout followers of the Converse-clad indie quartet will know.
1. You’ve been on a pilgrimage to The Grapes
Even if you live in Cornwall, or Aberdeen, you’ve made the trip.
https://twitter.com/DysenteryAlexx/status/584410664338358272
2. You check Matt Helders’ Instagram for band news
Here’s Miles Kane – and is that Alex Turner’s reflection in the window? This post is from October, so followers of Helders’ artistic Instagram feed knew known about TLSP’s return a month early
3. You’ve also attempted this
https://twitter.com/BAKANEKl/status/536873272751570944
4. You know about, support and own all their releases outside the band
That includes Nick O’Malley’s work with The Dodgems, Alex Turner’s Mini Mansions feature, and even Matt Helders’ P Diddy collaboration. No, especially that one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPB0Th8RYj4
5. You’re still waiting for The Cautious Horse to open
Matt Helders wants to open his own pub in Sheffield called 'The Cautious Horse' #arcticsday #waitywednesday
— Matthew Wait (@MatthewWait) June 8, 2011
The Cautious Horse is what Matt Helders said he would call his hypothetical Sheffield pub – and it’s his Instagram handle actually – but former bassist Andy Nicholson has actually opened a Sheffield pub called The Bowery, and you’ve been there.
6. You know what ‘A Choice Of Three’ is and you’ve listened to it in full
7. You know who directed the band’s live DVD ‘At The Apollo’
Richard Ayoade and Alex Turner; possibly my most two favourite people in one photo pic.twitter.com/3UxzR2hU
— sarah (@_sarahfisherr) January 4, 2013
Richard Ayoade, of course! Also an actor, of The I.T. Crowd fame.
8. One of your favourite films of 2010? Submarine
Also directed by Richard Ayoade, and soundtracked beautifully by Alex Turner himself.
9. You have, or have met someone who has, an Arctic Monkeys tattoo
Could be a simple album artwork shoutout like this:
Got me first tattoo. Couldn't think of a better band to have immortalised on me 🙂 ???? @ArcticMonkeys pic.twitter.com/CdTcqN8Yzu
— Michael Gibbs (@bhagibbs96) January 17, 2016
Could be something subtler…
There are absolutely loads of these tattoos knocking about
10. You have tried and failed to complete the Cornerstone pub crawl
People think Cornerstone is just a song but it's actually a map to the most indie pub crawl you will ever go on
— Dan Bradley (@DanBradley96_) November 25, 2015
There’s actually a thread on this Sheffield forum trying to figure out whether it’s full of oblique references to actual pubs you can go to. You have, obviously, read this thread before.
11. This was you when Alex dropped the mic at the Brits 2014…
You know, the one where he said ‘rock’n’roll will never die’
12. You know all the right dance moves
13. This keeps happening to you and it’s really embarrassing
15. You’ve probably taken inspiration from a certain man’s barnet
Alex Turner hair evolution > Justin Bieber hair evolution pic.twitter.com/8aYdSGAJG6
— Menino ? (@MeninoLambrini) March 2, 2016
16. You know the answer to the chicken/egg question
Yep, it’s ‘dickhead’.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyLI54w3AEY
17. ‘Post mix lemonade’ is in your arsenal of insults
You're rarer than a can of dandelion and burdock…..and those other girls are just post mix lemonade
— James Addicott (@Addicott95) February 27, 2016
18. Every so often you’ll stop and think about one of their lyrics
Like this one, for example: