You Know You’re An Arctic Monkeys Fan When…

Call yourself a Monkeys fan do ya? Want to be in Alex’s Turner’s gang? Well, you need to put the work in. Here are some things only the most devout followers of the Converse-clad indie quartet will know.

1. You’ve been on a pilgrimage to The Grapes

Even if you live in Cornwall, or Aberdeen, you’ve made the trip.

2. You check Matt Helders’ Instagram for band news

Here’s Miles Kane – and is that Alex Turner’s reflection in the window? This post is from October, so followers of Helders’ artistic Instagram feed knew known about TLSP’s return a month early

yipikaye – Contax G2 – #portra400

A post shared by Matt Helders (@cautioushorse) on

3. You’ve also attempted this

4. You know about, support and own all their releases outside the band

That includes Nick O’Malley’s work with The Dodgems, Alex Turner’s Mini Mansions feature, and even Matt Helders’ P Diddy collaboration. No, especially that one.

5. You’re still waiting for The Cautious Horse to open

The Cautious Horse is what Matt Helders said he would call his hypothetical Sheffield pub – and it’s his Instagram handle actually – but former bassist Andy Nicholson has actually opened a Sheffield pub called The Bowery, and you’ve been there.

6. You know what ‘A Choice Of Three’ is and you’ve listened to it in full

7. You know who directed the band’s live DVD ‘At The Apollo’

Richard Ayoade, of course! Also an actor, of The I.T. Crowd fame.

8. One of your favourite films of 2010? Submarine

Also directed by Richard Ayoade, and soundtracked beautifully by Alex Turner himself.

9. You have, or have met someone who has, an Arctic Monkeys tattoo

Could be a simple album artwork shoutout like this:

Could be something subtler…

There are absolutely loads of these tattoos knocking about

10. You have tried and failed to complete the Cornerstone pub crawl

There’s actually a thread on this Sheffield forum trying to figure out whether it’s full of oblique references to actual pubs you can go to. You have, obviously, read this thread before.

11. This was you when Alex dropped the mic at the Brits 2014…

You know, the one where he said ‘rock’n’roll will never die’

12. You know all the right dance moves

13. This keeps happening to you and it’s really embarrassing

15. You’ve probably taken inspiration from a certain man’s barnet

16. You know the answer to the chicken/egg question

Yep, it’s ‘dickhead’.

17. ‘Post mix lemonade’ is in your arsenal of insults

18. Every so often you’ll stop and think about one of their lyrics

Like this one, for example:

19. You’re waiting for new Arctic Monkeys music like