What follows is a full numerical breakdown of this evening's live concert by American Buzz Band In England, The Drums. As assessed using advanced technology developed specially for this evening's proceedings by a top secret lab in the depths of Radar HQ.
Buzz factor: 10
Choons factor: 8
Babe factor: 9
Star factor: 8
Oomph factor: 8
Aryan Nation recruitment video factor: 8
Actually being a live band in the truest sense factor: 2
Now, it's no secret we effin love The Drums. You could even go as far to say we're probably their main champions right now. They make great music, look amazing, have reams of charm and star factor, and generally are just all-round aceness. I'm certain they'll be big stars, in and out of NME. Done deal, almost...
But one issue needs addressing. Let's take this as a nudge from a pal:
Watch the above video. During extended sections there's a big fat palpitating bassline, a load of plinky synth parts, but not a sniff of either a bass guitar or a synth onstage. Plus, lets be honest, no snapping fingers were anywhere near a microphone when the 'click' sounds were emanating from the speakers.
This was much the scene for the whole set: all manner of fat-ass keyboards and bass, as well as oodles of dubiously lush backing vocals sound effects and what-have-you, and no instruments bar a couple of intermittently strummed six strings, and oh, someone suggested this may be where the name comes from as it's the only thing consistently used... drums...
If I was them, I'd have at least given one of the guitarists a bass, and stuck some random synth rack somewhere onstage for sure. It'd have eased that slightly uncomfortable on-edge feeling of watching the boys flail around the stage with feverish glee to the sound of a minidisc.
Now I'm not one for stuffy diehard 'authenticty', don't get me wrong. I spend probably too much of my time listening to manufactured chart music. But c'mon boys, by the next slew of shows we want this seen to. The kids wont have it in the long run. It's one thing a synth-pop or dance act using, what they coyly term 'track', but an unhinged, tempestuous onslaught of indie rock'n'roll, well, it just doesn't really cut it.
Plus, it's probably not really doing them too many favours in the camp of inevitable haters who're waiting to write them off as, 'that band of models that can't do shit for shit.' The thing is, the rest is all there, just needs that last little piece to be slotted in place. The songs are pretty much sorted, and that's the hardest part.
Oh, and in other news, it was also announced by Radar this evening that the Drums versus Girls new music fan-rivalry that's ignited is officially the new Blur versus Oasis. Track or no track, I know whose side I'm on... 'OI!'