16 dirty jokes that probably shouldn’t be in kids’ films

From Long Johns to lemon parties...

Innuendos are rife in films for kids. Dotted among the characters exploring magical lands and animals skipping through the woods are a whole host of dirty jokes: jokes like these.

1. Shrek

When the pair arrive outside the towering Lord Farquaad’s enormous, phallic castle, Shrek asks: “Do you think maybe he’s compensating for something?”

2. Aladdin: The King of Thieves

Before Aladdin and Jasmine’s wedding, there’s an earthquake, and Genie says: “I thought the Earth wasn’t supposed to move until the honeymoon…”

3. Frozen

In response to Kristoff’s intense questions about her fiancé Hans, Anna comes to his defense: “Foot size doesn’t matter,” she says.

4. Rugrats Movie

After Dil is born, some of the babies in the hospital inspect their bodies. One notices that his umbilical cord is gone, but another notices he’s missing something else entirely.

First baby: “Man. They cut my cord.” Second baby: “Consider yourself lucky.”

5. Inside Out

“There are no bears in San Francisco,” says Disgust in response to one of Riley’s fears. Anger pipes up: “I saw a really hairy guy. He looked like a bear.”

6. Cars

Did anyone else notice this dubious-looking sign on the sign of the highway, as the cars are hurtling towards the sunset? The “Top Down Truckstop” is advertising “All Convertible Waitresses”.

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7. Hocus Pocus

When they say “We desire … children”, the Sanderson sisters mean they want to eat the life essence of young people so they can go on living forever, right? The bus driver seems to interpret that a bit differently, saying “It may take me a couple tries, but I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”

8. 101 Dalmations

Cruella De Vil’s slimy sidekicks Jasper and Horace are taken aback by the taxidermist’s. “The sight of all these deceased creatures,” says Horace, “gives me a shrinky winky”.

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9. Cars 2

In which the cars have a lemon party. Look that up at your peril

10. Muppet Treasure Island

When Kermit asks “You and Captain Flint?”, Miss Piggy replies “Well, he was a pirate, and I was a lady … you know the story.” Then Long John arrives, Miss Piggy calls him: “Looooooooong John” and Kermit asks: “Oh no, him too?”

11. Bambi

When the male skunk gets his first kiss, he flushes pink, and then gets… stiff.

12. The Emperor’s New Groove

When he lies down to sleep for the night, Kronk “pitches his tent”, but only over his crotch. Of course.

13. Ratatouille

As Linguini is trying to put his little rat into words, he says: “I have this tiny … A little…” – and Colette casts her eyes down at his crotch with disdain.

14. The Cat in the Hat

Mike Meyers, as the Cat, chucks away a gardening implement, calling it a “dirty hoe”. He soon picks it up again, and starts licking it while saying “I love you”. What?

15. The Mask

A condom is in amongst the balloons Jim Carrey pulls out from his pocket at an already weird-looking kids’ party. “Oh, sorry, wrong pocket!” he says in response.

16. The Santa Clause

It’s not all dick jokes. Santa harks back to the high times of his youth when he starts flying and tells his son: “It’s ok, I’m used to it. I lived through the sixties.”

Words: Ellen Peirson-Hagger