Technically, technically, technically the summer doesn’t end until the 21st of September. The sun is still shining over parts of this occasionally beautiful land and somewhere, someone is still playing cricket. But I’m calling it. The end of summer. Because the longer the summer goes on, the more I fall out of love with movies. And I really do love movies.
So I’m laying to rest a summer full of disappointing sequels, average re-imaginings, too many films (i.e two) about toys and that ‘one with the specky wizard git’. In my humble opinion this has been one of the poorest summers on record, Blockbuster-wise.
True, some little gems passed through in the form of ‘Synechdoche, New York’ and ‘Moon’ and Tarantino helped us pasty skinned film geeks out with ‘Inglourious Basterds’ but there was no BIG summer film. No ‘Jurassic Park’, No ‘Dark Knight’, nothing to get all hepped up about.
Well, maybe the winter is the new summer, for here are five blockbusters that might, just might give the multiplexes a much needed kick up the backside.
Its the end of the world as we know it and I feel slightly scared about Roland Emmerich’s state of mind. This is not the first time he’s tried to recreate the destruction of us lovely humans. First he did it figuratively with ‘Independence Day’ and ‘The Day After Tomorrow’ and then he literally tried to kill everyone by making them watch ‘Godzilla’ and ‘10,000BC’. Bad man.
Now he’s back with an apocaylyptic prophecy movie featuring the whole world going kablooey. It looks about as intelligent as Kerry Katona at the end of a coke binge with nothing but explosions and screaming to keep you company for two hours. So why does a film this dumb possibly make my ‘worth a watch’ list? It has John ‘Boy’ Cusack in it. ‘And I love him’.
Nothing, nothing, nothing in the world can possibly be as good as ‘WALL-E’. Or so I thought. But judging by the critical reception on the other side of the Atlantic and the word of mouth from some fellow projectionists I know whose word I more than trust, ‘Up’ may well eclipse my favourite ‘little robot’. While Pixar have chosen the abhorrent ‘3-D format’ to release this in, the consensus is the 2-D version is far superior. But it can’t really be better than ‘WALL-E’…
The shiny, glittering vampires are back. The first wasn’t as terrible as ‘I’d thought’ it might be and there’s no doubting the absolute fucking gorgeousness of the leads (although Pattison’s monobrow scares me a little). If all else fails just close your eyes and enjoy the soundtrack of Radiohead, Muse, Bon Iver and Death Cab For Cutie, all releaseing ‘new’ material to accompany the painfully long shots of teenagers looking at each other. As for the title I do wonder how many ‘Twi-hards’ went to see the Sam Rockwell, sci-fi thinker, hoping it was the the second instalment of their favourite ’emo’ fest. I can only pray it was lots.
It’s got Robert Downey Jr in it! Yay! It’s got Jude Law in it! Boo! It’s directed by Guy Ritchie! Meh. One of the most intriguing prosepects of the autumn/winter calender it’s been a long time since Holmes and Watson graced our screens. Can the erstwhile detective, one of the most often recreated stories of all time, hold up under the scurtiny of today’s ‘ten second attention span’ culture? I do remember that once- “Oooh look wrestling!”
This film is literally gonna change absolutely everything ever. From the way movies are perceived to how people shit on a toilet. Well, that’s if you believe Jim Cameron’s hyperbole. When the trailer hit last week the reaction was, at best, muted. But the self-professed ‘King Of The World’ always seems to have the last laugh so write him off at your peril. Still, the internet geeks have a point when they say it looks like ‘Ferngully: The Computer Game’.
Lat me know what you think below. Do any of these make you go a bit funny in your pants? Does the idea of Jude as Watson make you wanna shove ‘a lemon tree’ up his arse? (Ha!, Damn that’s funny!) Are there any I’ve missed out on? We’re just talking big-budget blockbusters this time around. A run-down of the quirky-indie films that are as twee as the day is long will be on these here pages soon enough. Those are the ones I really love.