Simon Cowell defecates into the mouth of George Osbourne who in turns shits a brick into Jack Whitehall's open face. Jack's faeces fill up all four members of Blue sewn as they are together mouth to poo-pipe. As Anthony Costa's stomach inflates and... well, you get the idea.
Even picking and choosing your own personal batch of loathsome individuals for The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) can't disguise the grotesque nature at the centre of Tom Six's film (you need 12 btw, try it it's really not fun!). Add into this some barbed wire rape and sandpaper masturbation and you can fully understand why even the most liberal of film commentators are having a tough time excusing this film's right to exist.
But has the BBFC's decision to ban the film outright simply given it the infamy it craves?
It's a hard call to make to attack the people at the BBFC, after all it's not exactly a job many film lovers would want, but there is a level of hypocrisy at stake. The hypocrisy stems from the core argument that 'sexual violence' is behind the ban. If that is the case then how in God's name did Sucker Punch achieve a frankly astonishing 12A rating a few months back.
Yes the images of the two films, Human Centipede and Sucker Punch, would be incomparable but the ideas behind them, violence, sex and titillation, stand firm in both. That the latter is an American big budget release seems to be the only reason for a ridiculous rating that allows anyone of any age to witness women beaten, shot and used as sexual objects.
One also wonders whether or not it's the institution's increasing irrelevance (illegal downloads make any film available in minutes) that led to an all out ban rather than -like last year's A Serbian Film, which incidentally featured newborn rape - the other option of asking for heavy cuts.
It's almost as if the organisation is saying, “Look at us we are still useful!”, while happily turning a blind eye to a blunt metal object passing through the brain of a villain in a recent superhero flick (also rated 12A).
If no-one is intentionally hurt during the making of the film (and these are just people acting here) then where can the harm truly lie? The suggestion that some may try and ape the storyline is as pitiful as blaming World War 2 on Call Of Duty.
No sane person is going to change their plans from 'an evening down the pub' to 'sexual sadism and barbed wire' because they popped on a DVD. As for insane people, well, they could flip out watching Justin Bieber and come up with an idea as equally repellent as the 'centipede'.
But then one look at Tom Six, the wankerish director and his “I'm going to make the most horrific film ever” bullshit bravado and you can quickly flip the other way. Surely this monumental prick doesn't deserve an ounce of anyone's time or viewpoint.
When first attacked, the 'controversial' director couldn't even defend his work past moaning that the BBFC had spoilers in their assesment. A first year A-level Media studies student could bang together some tat about "breaking taboos and looking at the effects of screen violence on the main protagonist" as limp justification. As it seems Tom Six's only intent was to repulse, he can't even do that.
In many ways the best approach would be similar to Bill Hicks take on Basic Instinct: “Take a deep breath, look at it again. "Oh it's a piece-of-shit!" Exactly, that's all it is. Satan squatted, let out a loaf, they put a fucking title on it, put it on a marquee, Satan's shit, piece of shit, walk away.”
Personally, I'm pretty comfortable on this fence. Part of me simply doesn't care because I'm never going to watch the film, or its predecessor -because if I did I'd throw up, cry and probably wet myself - but an equal part of me would go through the roof if someone took the same view about Se7en (“My God a pregnant woman gets decapitated!”) or Taxi Driver (“Child prostitutes unzipping flies!?”).
If something that I liked was attacked as obscene I'd be the first misquoting Voltaire, yelling, “I disagree with you wanting to watch people defecate into each other's mouths but I'll defend to the death your right to do it”.
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