The Human Centipede 2 UK cinema release date: November 4
The sequel to the original shocker. Inspired by the fictional Dr. Heiter, disturbed loner Martin dreams of creating a 12-person centipede and sets out to realize his sick fantasy.
To file under among the most depressing conversations I have ever overheard, the guy at last night’s screening of The Human Centipede 2, who was involved in the cuts that earned it a BBFC certification: “We don’t lose any of the story, it’s just that some stuff is more suggested. The main thing is that in the anal rape scene, we couldn’t show the barbed wire around his cock. But you got that, right? We managed that with the sound.” I am paraphrasing here. But not much.
For a film that isn’t even trying very hard to be clever, The Human Centipede 2 isn’t halfway as clever as it thinks it is. In its own sixth-form head it posits a question about copycat violence: ‘who is the real monster?’ it bellows? In an attempt at ‘intertextuality’, it depicts Martin, an obese weirdo, working as a night guard in a car park, obsessing over the original movie. We see him knocking out and mutilating his punters. Repeatedly.
Then we see him at home, the victim of child sex abuse by his Dad, and disregardingly cared for by an elderly Mum who in one actually funny sequence, withers over the dinner table, ‘I’m going to kill us both’. Spoiler alert, neither the mother or the openly paedophile therapist survive very long. But having answered its own question - that you should just blame the parents - the film then just goes about its own gory business of degradation-porn.
Martin builds his own Human Centipede out of people he abducted from the car park. But where the original’s Dr Heiter had the hyper-reality of the B-movie to add some kind of art to his antics, Martin just has plain old physics and biology. So he gaffa-tapes their mouths to their anuses and seals off the job with a staple gun.
Looking lovingly over his tortured creation, he tries out its supposed twelve-way intenstenal tract. He feeds it soup through a funnel and laxatives through a syringe. Then he rapes it up the ass with barbed wire over its cock - but oh no! The nasty old BBFC won’t let us see that! It really doesn’t work.
It’s hard to work out what to find the most offensive about The Human Centipede 2. Despite everything, the most visually unpleasant moment is when he cuts a person’s knee-cap off with scissors. I think it’s the way it flirts with its own high-mindedness and then wimps out of actually giving you a story.
And when you’ve spent a lifetime defending freedom of expression, it hurts to see artists live down to the expectations of the Daily Mail. I always suspected I would turn into a reactionary old cunt one day. I always knew that when that day came, I would probably vomit. But please God, not like this. I couldn’t take my eyes off it.