We’ve all got some. Hidden away, tucked out of sight. Items that, were you to to suddenly perish in a freak Space Hopper accident, the last thought to run through your soon-to-be squidgy brain would be, “Oh God I hope no-one finds the break-away bottom to my sock drawer that hides my extensive Julia Roberts collection!”
That, or the far more disturbing realisation that, “I’ll never get to add Eat, Pray, Love to it!”.
So no matter how, hip, cool or, er, (what other words do kids use nowadays?) swinging – yes swinging – you may think you are when it comes to cinema excellence, this is your time to ‘fess up with us.
Purge that guilt of owning and liking Pearl Harbour. Cleanse yourself in the holy baptism of admitting you found Freddie Got Fingered funny. Feel born again for revealing you once watched Dirty Dancing fifty-seven times in a row.
Really, your choices can’t be much worse than ours…
Owen Nicholls: Serendipity
In many ways picking your worst movie can be as hard as picking your best. There are many questions to be answered to fulfill the criteria. For example: does the fact that I’m a big girl’s blouse forgive me owning My Best Friend’s Wedding, Sleepless in Seattle and Serendipity?
Is it OK that I own an Eddie Murphy film post 1990? (I-Spy if you’re wondering). The answer to all of these questions is an emphatic no. Still Serendipity… just confessing to owning it makes my gut do backflips.
Tim Chester: Romancing The Stone
The poor man’s Indiana Jones has Danny DeVito, Michael Douglas, the cheesiest story line going, and an incredible selection of zany/saxy musical interludes.
James McMahon: The Room
My favourite bad movie might officially be the worst movie ever made. It’s a insanely fun independent movie from 2003, directed and funded by writer/actor/maniac Tommy Wiseau.
Rife with horrendous dubbing, the most grotesque sex scenes seen outside of bestiality grot (most staring Wiseau himself) and accidentally enthralling continuity errors (there’s a disturbing/hilarious scene early on where one of the leads announces, “I got the tests back, I definitely have breast cancer” – a nuance of the plot that is never acknowledged again), it’s so bad it’s developed something of a cult following in recent years.
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Abby Tayleure: Ten Things I Hate About You
There are some actually really great tracks by Madness, The Cardigans and Air on the soundtrack, but the truth is my favourite part is watching it and pretending that Heath Ledger is singing ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’ to me. There – I said it.
Laura Snapes: Father Of The Bride (1 and 2, in case you’re wondering)
I don’t feel guilty or secretive at all about this. Steve Martin and Diane Keaton are like my movie parents. It’s chockful of gloriously early ’90s perms and high-waisted jeans, and it’s got Martin Short playing the world’s campest wedding organiser with a very dubious faux-Eastern European accent. IT’S SO GOOD.