https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sr6lr_VRsEo
Despite everything 2016 has thrown at us, it’s apparently still going to be the most wonderful time of the year in about a month – and it starts now because John Lewis have unveiled their saccharine Christmas advert. This year’s focuses on a dog called Buster, and Buster is jealous because the animals of Farthing Wood are using the new trampoline in his garden. On Christmas Day, Buster belts past the small child receiving the trampolene as her Christmas gift to get first dibs on it. It’s soundtracked sumptuously by a band called Vaults and a lot of people have said it’s making them cry, but many also couldn’t help but think these 11 horribly cynical thoughts.
1. After the year we’ve had, this had better be bloody good
If the John Lewis advert is shit that will be the last fucking straw
— Jade (@xojde) November 9, 2016
https://twitter.com/westerfest/status/796243310117617664
2. This is extremely unrealistic
#JohnLewis – The reality… pic.twitter.com/v3eS6gxtS9
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) November 10, 2016
sadly we all know urban foxes would fuck on that thing ?
— Christopher Hooton (@ChristophHooton) November 10, 2016
3. The wild animals would have made a mess
"Dad, Can I use my new trampoline?"
"Not yet, it's covered in shit because the cast of the Animals of Farthing Wood used it"#JohnLewis— Ariana Grundy (@GrundyOxford) November 10, 2016
I went to the audition for that advert with my mate Keith Rice but we kept getting nut butter all over the trampoline so they went with CGI
— Gus The Fox (@GusTheFox) November 10, 2016
Sorry but that trampoline would be full of fox/badger/squirrel poo in the morning #bustertheboxer
— Joan Roberts (@thisisjoanie) November 10, 2016
Imagine waking up on Xmas morning and finding loads of badger, fox and squirrel crap all over your trampoline #JohnLewisAdvert #Fail
— Indy Selvarajah (@IndySelvarajah) November 10, 2016
4. My, what horrible CGI you have
https://twitter.com/sky_traffic/status/796663266403635200
I give the John Lewis ad a solid CGI/10
— Si (@GTarrr) November 10, 2016
The #JohnLewis ad is creepy AF, weird CGI animals with no souls. Not in the same league as the hibernating bear.
— Victoria ? (@vickyallover) November 10, 2016
5. In real life those animals would probably have been culled 🙁
#JohnLewisAdvert IRL2016
Badger: culled for TB
Squirrel: shot for being pest
Fox: hunted with dogs
Hedgehog: endangered#BrokenBritain— Dr Philip Lee (@drphiliplee1) November 10, 2016
6. Also, animals eat other animals: this is a fact
In reality the fox would be throwing up a squirrel tail as the badger chomps down the hedgehog & the dog would be rolling in both their shit https://t.co/gPpKTDbCRJ
— Alice (@aliceinwellies) November 10, 2016
Fox eats squirrel
Badger eats hedgehog
Bin ragged all over trampoline
Fox catches TB off badger and dies
Little girl cries
Merry Christmas— Matthew Hardisty (@MattHardo) November 10, 2016
John Lewis should release a director's cut where kid wakes to find fox shit, hedgehog carcasses & squirrel entrails all over the trampoline
— Michael Hogan (@michaelhogan) November 10, 2016
7. Technically, a hedgehog should be hibernating in December
Why have you interrupted its crucial winter rest, JL?
LOVE the new #JohnLewisAdvert! One flaw with it though… Why's a hedgehog bouncing on trampoline when it should be hibernating?! #Christmas
— Richard H. (@richdh1983) November 10, 2016
Only John Lewis would bring a hedgehog out of hibernation to sell a trampoline #bustertheboxer
— Verity Cowley (@veritycowley) November 10, 2016
8. Buster should be going apeshit at these incredible scenes
https://twitter.com/JournoLizF/status/796629077574746112
9. Also – if this shit makes you cry, there is something wrong with you
I genuinely cannot fathom why people cry at the new John Lewis ad. How are they doing this? Bloody Nora. #BusterTheBoxer
— Ben Jenkins (@_BenJen) November 10, 2016
Everybody is going to tweet how the 'John Lewis advert did it again' making unstable humans cry again
— Krooked Hillary ♉️ (@Absolution_90) November 8, 2016
Did anyone actually cry at the John Lewis ad? I mean it is an ok ad, but you need to have a look at yourself if that makes you cry.
— Tom 'Still Has A Cough' Gilchrist (@SystomShock) November 10, 2016
10. It’s not even really new
Just like Trump’s victory yesterday, The Simpsons predicted this ages ago
https://twitter.com/GeorgeGibson/status/796632760211357696
https://twitter.com/MikePattinson/status/796632612487962624
11. Anyway, a trampoline in December is a totally impractical present
What use is a trampoline in December? #JohnLewisAdvert
— Luke Kempner (@LukeKempner) November 10, 2016
Who buys their daughter a trampoline in December?!
— ??Archie? (@Archie_Saunders) November 10, 2016
Who the fuck buys their kid an outdoor trampoline in winter!? It's freezing out there. #JohnLewis
— Aarun Kane (@AarunKane) November 10, 2016
Merry Christmas, one and all!