The 21 items you begged Santa to bring
The ’90s: a heady time, a crazy time, a golden age for toys, CDs and videogames that now seem as primitive as Richard Hammond’s outlook on life. If these 21 goodies weren’t on your Christmas in the ’90s, you weren’t doing the decade right.
They lived in a plastic egg, were covered in weird goo and there was a rumour that if you rubbed two against one another, they wold have babies. It never worked.
So soft, so bouncy, so safe to drop on the playground.
To Toys “R” Us – and beyond!
In all honesty, the kids that were into Diabolo toys weren’t really worth knowing. They were into juggling and thought fire-breathing was cool. These people now work in IT and quote Game of Thrones a lot.
A raging debate in the classroom: were Gremlins and Furbies related?
A game in which you stuff bogies into a man’s head, then pull them out of his nose until his brain pops out. BAN THIS SICK FILTH.
R.L. Stine frightened the bejesus in millions of young readers traumatised by the likes of Monster Blood and Say Cheese and Die!
If it was good enough for McCauley Culkin, it was good enough for us. That maxim probably doesn’t apply to everything in life, mind.
This little fella prompted a massive craze upon release in 1996. He’s now in the twilight of his career, probably holed up in his Hollywood mansion, reminiscing on the good old days when he got off with mash with Bert and Ernie. Happy times, simpler times.
Goddamn, these hippos were hungrier for little plastic balls than Gemma Collins is for publicity.
Looking back, it’s hard to see why we were so desperate for these. They look uncomfortable and prone to burst at any moment. But hey, it was the ’90s, it was a crazy time, a heady time, a time when furniture could be 98% air.
Oh man, I wanted one of these so badly that I’d have chewed through my own arm to get one. That would, admittedly, have made it hard to play the game.
The amount of time you could keep a Tamagotchi alive for is, in fact, directly correlated to how responsible an adult you’ve become.
Is there a more chilling collection of words in the English language than “Firing ‘Blood Sample’ Missile!”?
Look – let’s be honest: Mr Frosty wasn’t actually all that. Looked amazing in the adverts (homemade Slush Puppies!) but in reality it was just some sachets of concentrated juice and a tray of ice. You wanted it, got it, you experienced the intense rush of euphoria that ownership bought, and then you realised that neither Frosty nor his soothing iced drinks could fill the yawning void in your soul. An early lesson in late capitalism.
These made a comeback in the 90s, new and improved with ball-bearings. Yes, the number of ball-bearings in your yo-yo was inversely correlated to your number of friends.
Before YouTube, way before Spotify, the year’s greatest pop hits were collected in the charmingly punctuated CD collection Now That’s What I Cal Music!. The 98th edition, featuring Sam Smith and Dua Lipa, is out now for fans of obsolete formats.
Working a similar principle to those dance mat arcade games, this Playstation title invited players to mash buttons to make Parappa spit bars with dizzying flow. Weirdly, most of Parappa’s rhymes are better than the new Eminem album.
The Gameboy Color has made something of a comeback in recent years. This is thanks to a company called Retro-Bit, which brought the classic handheld console from the cold, enabling you to dust off all those cherished old games. Who needs Pokémon Go?
Created in 1976 but having enjoyed enduring popularity through the ages, Stretch Armstrong is still the only thing more flexible than Theresa May’s morals.
Every now and then a story emerges that claims the troll dolls in your attic might be collectible and worth a few hundred each. Ah, but how much are those cherished childhood memories worth? Yeah, you’re right, probably a few hundred quid each.