Beats, Grindah, Steves and Chabuddy G are back with a new series of the mockumentary People Just Do Nothing – and they’re still totally deluded
uStraight outta west London, Kurupt FM is a crew of frankly inept pirate radio DJs and garage MCs with worse bars than their hometown of Brentford. Led by the overconfident Grindah (played by Allan Mustafa), the group consists of DJ Beats (Hugo Chegwin), MC Steves (Steve Stamp) and their unscrupulous manager Chabuddy G (Asim Chaudhry). People Just Do Nothing – a mockumentary that follows these fictional characters through their quest for world domination (think The Office but with more rapping) – is back for series four. Before it hits screens, we joined Beats, Grindah and Chabuddy G – in character, of course – to talk politics, performing live and the price of Freddos.
Kurupt FM is a pirate station. Will it ever go legit?
Beats: “No, conventional radio is just boring, innit? It’s just the same songs over and over again.”
Grindah: “It’s just for your little Johns out there. That’s not for us – we don’t wanna have to play a certain tune because some little Harry’s told us to. You wanna be able to play whatever you want, whenever you want. I mean, granted, we do play the same tunes every day…”
Beats: “We’ve had the same playlist for the past 12 years…”
Grindah: “But we can play ’em in any order we want.”
You did a Red Nose Day performance with Ed Sheeran. What would you say if he wanted to collaborate on a track?
Grindah: “I’d tell him to f**k off. Get out of my sight immediately. Unless he’s just chilling for a blaze, but even then it’d have to be his bud.”
Beats: “If not, face down on the floor – get out.”
Grindah: “If you look at him, he looks like an explosion out of a charity shop.”
Beats: “He looks like Steven Seagal…”
Grindah: “…Mixed with a clown. And I don’t think he should try and get into MCing. Stay in your lane. Otherwise you might find yourself on the motorway, 120 miles per hour, and you’re dead.”
You’ve got your own club night, Champagne Steam Rooms. What do you make of UK nightlife at the moment?
Grindah: “All the clubs are Prezzos now ain’t they? ‘Oh, let’s go and have a cocktail at Wagamama’s.’ We’re bringing the rave scene back, but we’ve also brought that style-y, classy element to the rave. Bring the Champagne, bring a nice shirt – but also bring your mate that drinks cider and wants to do 12 beans.”
Beats: “It’s a melting pot of young, creative people.”
Grindah: “Yeah, and they all stare at me in awe. I think that’s the most important thing to take away from those nights – how talented I am.”
Grindah, when we left you at the end of series three, you’d just split up with your fiancée Mishe and weren’t in a great way. How are you doing now?
Grindah: “To be honest, I went through a bit of a dark period, yeah? I was doing loads of gear – pills, K. It did open my third eye, my chakras. Man is a bit more woke now, spiritually. But at the same time, I p**sed myself and didn’t change my trousers for three days. So it’s a catch-22.”
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Beats, you have a new baby now. How are you finding fatherhood?
Beats: “Horrible. I think she’s got this face recognition where she sees my face and just starts screaming.”
Grindah: “She doesn’t like your face. Sorry, you’re a good dad and that, but she thinks you’re ugly.”
You’ve shared a stage with such established acts as Big Narstie and Stormzy. Were you not worried that they might overshadow you?
Grindah: “How can they? Obviously, we’re the inspiration to the nation, yeah? We’re trying to bring these young brers through and show them the ropes. It’s like a lyrical youth club.”
Beats: “Also, it cuts into your set time and gives you a good 20 minutes to just chill.”
Are you interested in politics?
Beats: “Whoever’s legalising weed, I’ll for vote for them. But [politicians are] all the same, aren’t they? And we don’t pay tax anyway.”
Grindah: “Don’t put that in.”
The grime community came out in support of Jeremy Corbyn during the general election. Are you into him?
Grindah: “Who’s that?”
Beats: “Has he got a TV show?”
Grindah: “Does he do Deal Or No Deal?”
No, that’s Noel Edmonds.
Grindah: “Oh yeah. Nah, we’re not really into any of that b*****ks. Leave us out, d’you know what I mean? Politics don’t really affect us.”
Beats: “I do like Deal Or No Deal, though.”
People Just Do Nothing is on BBC Three’s iPlayer Channel from August 15