Download Festival

Avenged Sevenfold

Download

When: 8-10 June

Where: Donnington Park, Leicestershire

Who’s headlining: Avenged Sevenfold, Guns N’ Roses, Ozzy Osbourne

Who else is playing: Bullet For My Valentine, Black Stone Cherry, Marilyn Manson, You Me At Six, Parkway Drive, Rise Against, Andrew WK

Tickets: £200, 3-day camping

RWWOOOAR! HOOOWAAR! CHUGGACHUGGASATAAAAN! I’m sorry?

Just getting in the mood for Download. Put that blunt dwarf axe down, you Neanderthal. This isn’t some Dungeons & Dragons demon-fest. Metal Mecca Download famously draws one of the friendliest and most inclusive crowds of the season, even if the bands they’re watching tend to hate pretty much everything you put in front of them. Parents, society, grooming products…

Will Guns N’ Roses turn up on time? Word is that Axl Rose has stopped insisting he finish reading Ulysses cover to cover and catch up on the latest series of Orange Is The New Black (or whatever the hell he was doing back there) before going onstage, so with any luck we’ll have everything wrapped up by curfew.

Hang on, that guy over there has got a blunt dwarf axe! He’s allowed one. He’s taking part in a medieval battle re-enactment.

But you said… Shut up.