NME.COM

50 worst pop lyrics of all time

  • "I met a girl. She asked me my name. I told her what it was." (Razorlight, 'Somewhere Else'). Oh come on, you can do better than that. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "What else could I say? Everyone is gay." (Nirvana, 'All Apologies'). If this were true, we'd have a bit of a problem on our hands as a species. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "I'm down on my knees, searching for the answer… Are we human or are we dancer?" (The Killers, 'Human'). Whatever the answer is, I doubt you'll find it on the floor, as if it was a contact lens. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Oh babe, I wanna put my log in your fireplace." (Kiss, 'Burn Bitch Burn'). That's fine, as long as you put it in gently – you don't want your 'log' spitting everywhere. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "I'm a devil on the run, a six-gun lover." (Jon Bon Jovi, 'Blaze Of Glory'). A six-gun lover? You mean you've got six penises? Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Take my thong off and my ass go boom!" (Missy Elliott, 'Work It'). I'd rather not get too close when that happens. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "With their tanks and their bombs, and their bombs and their guns." (The Cranberries, 'Zombie'). Not quite Martin Luther King's 'I Have A Dream', is it? Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Sexuality! Your laws do not apply to me! A nuclear submarine sinks off the coast of Sweden..." (Billy Bragg, 'Sexuality'). Ouch, what a passion killer. Pic: Ellis Parrinder

    Photo: Ellis Parrinder

    Added: 23 Jan 2009

  • "Get a house in Devon, drink cider from a lemon." (Feeder, 'Buck Rogers'). You might as well drink wine from a fax machine. Pic: PA Photos. The words in this gallery are all taken from 'Crap Lyrics' by Johnny Sharp, published by Portico.

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "I love your pants around your feet… You're like my favourite damn disease." (Nickelback, 'Figure You Out'). Well let’s hope it's life-threatening, you horrible, horrible man. Pic: PA Photo

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Caught beneath the landslide in a champagne supernova in the sky." (Oasis, 'Champagne Supernova'). If you were stuck in space with Liam Gallagher for company, you'd want to bury him too. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Tonight there's going to be a jailbreak, somewhere in this town." (Thin Lizzy, 'Jailbreak'). Er… the jail, perhaps? Rex Features

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Young, black and famous - with money hanging out the anus." (Puff Daddy feat. Mase, 'Can't Nobody Hold Me Down'). A startling boast from the artist soon to be known as 'Oh God, not him again'. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "I fell in love with a slit-eyed lady, by the light of an eastern moon." (Rod Stewart, 'Every Picture Tells A Story'). How she must have loved that pet name. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "I'll fuck you til your dick is blue." (Liz Phair, 'Flower'). That might take some time. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "I'm a joker, I'm a smoker, I'm a midnight toker." (Steve Miller Band, 'The Joker'). As seductive as a fat tramp pleasuring himself in a bush. Pic: Redferns

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "I'll slink in when you boys are in a French knot." (Peaches, 'Two Guys For Every Girl'). Isn't that some kind of sewing technique? That sounds painful.

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    Added: 09 Jul 2009

  • "The sea was very rough, it made me feel sick. But I like that kind of stuff, it beats arithmetic." (New Order, 'Slow Jam'). Will strike a chord with anyone who's ever been faced with the dilemma of whether to throw up or do some sums. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "In the desert you can remember your name, for there ain't no-one for to give you no pain." (America, 'Horse With No Name'). A horse with no name, and a song that makes no sense. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "I feel real phoney when my name is Bill… or was that Phil?" (Love, 'The Red Telephone'). Arthur Lee later admitted to being stoned when he penned this. Say it ain't so! Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones." (Coldplay, 'Fix You'). Thanks for the thought Chris, but I'm not sure setting light to my bones will actually do me much good in the long run. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Girl you look just like my car, I wanna wax it." (R Kelly, 'You Remind Me Of Something'). Does she really look like a car? Is she 12 feet long with alloy wheels? Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Let me put my love into you babe, let me cut my cake with your knife." (AC/DC, 'Let Me Put My Love Into You'). There's a strict rule: never use the word 'knife' in a seductive context. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Can't forget to stay real. To me it's like breathing." (Jennifer Lopez, 'Jenny From The Block'). Breathing? Surely you could get an assistant to do that for you. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "John was a scientist, he was hooked on LSD, interested in mind control, and how the monkey held the key." (Kasabian, 'Cutt Off'). Brilliant! You've got a high-concept pitch for a prime-time TV thriller right there. Pic: Andy Whitton

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    Added: 26 May 2009

  • "I know a mouse and he hasn't got a house. I don't know why, I call him Gerald." (Pink Floyd, 'Bike'). Mister drug dealer, sir, I'll have what he's having. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "I can see that you're fifteen years old. No I don't want your ID." (The Rolling Stones, 'Stray Cat Blues'). Weren't the 60s wonderful? Such a gloriously innocent time. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "You work in a shirt with your name tag on it, drifting apart like a plate tectonic." (Kaiser Chiefs, 'Oh My God'). Does a tectonic plate drift apart, or do tectonic plates drift apart from each other? Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Horseshoes splacking swallows hay-cart, cart-horse of the peasant blocking his path." (The Fall, 'Dktr Faustus'). Splacking? Is that a word? Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "We got no principles. We ain't got no innocence. We can't even think of a word that rhymes." (Alice Cooper, 'School's Out'). If you can't think of a word to rhyme with 'principles', I'd argue you'd struggle in life once school has been 'blown to pieces'. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "I'll show you I'm every inch the man – measure all that you think you can." (Extreme, 'Naked'). He's suggesting the appendage is of a size beyond all human understanding. Some kind of four-dimensional space penis, perhaps? Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Keep the blood flowing down to your feet, Brother Lois will be around in a minute, with a bucket filled with squirreled meat." (Prince, 'Superfunkycalifragisexy'). Is this some ancient tribal ritual? Pic: PA Photos

    Photo: Pa Photos

    Added: 01 Apr 2009

  • "War, was is stupid. And people are stupid." (Culture Club, 'The War Song'). All the thousands of years that people have fought to defend their land from invaders, they were just being 'stupid'. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Should I stay or should I go now? If I go there will be trouble, if I stay it will be double." (The Clash, 'Should I Stay Or Should I Go?') So go then. Doh! Pic: Rex Features

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Give me some milk - or else go home." (Bob Dylan, 'Ballad Of A Thin Man'). Inspiring stuff. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Not much has changed but they live underwater." (Busted, 'The Year 3000'). Who are we to argue, without access to their boyband tardis? Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Give me head, give me head, give me head music instead." (Suede, 'Head Music'). Make your mind up, lover boy! Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "She's got everything – like a moving mouth, body control and everything." (Deep Purple, 'Highway Star'). As opposed to a body that just flaps about uncontrollably. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "All fall down, can't complain, mustn't grumble – help yourself to another piece of apple crumble." (ABC, 'That Was Then, This Is Now'). 'Crap Lyrics' by Johnny Sharp is out now via Portico books. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "It's a man's, a man's, a man's world. But it wouldn't be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl." (James Brown, 'It's A Man's Man's Man's World'). Thanks for that, James, but doesn't half the world's population get a slightly raw deal from that appraisal? Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "I don't want to see a ghost, it's the sight that I fear most. I'd rather eat a piece of toast, and watch the evening news." (Des'Ree, 'Life'). Come on, there must be a better rhyme for 'ghost' than that. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Girl you make me feel real good, we can do it til we both wake up." (Color Me Badd, I Wanna Sex You Up'). Sleep-shagging? Crivens, is there a Channel 5 producer in the house? Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Fiery demons all dance when you walk through that door. Don't say you're easy on me, you're about as easy as a nuclear war." (Duran Duran, 'Is There Something I Should Know?'). Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "I bought a ticket to the world but now I've come back again." (Spandau Ballet, 'True'). That's nice. Do carry on. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Late spring and you're drifting off to sleep, with your teeth in your mouth." (REM, 'You Are The Everything'). You don't say? Next you'll be telling us you're 'Sitting in a chair, with my hands on the end of my arms'. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "You say 'black' I say 'white'. You say 'bark' I say 'bite'. You say 'shark' I say 'hey man 'Jaws' was never my scene!'" (Queen, 'Bicycle Race') What is this, some sort of bad-tempered word association game? Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "Lucky that my breasts are small and humble, so you don't confuse them with mountains." (Shakira, 'Whenever, Wherever'). Is that really likely? Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "You're just another red balloon with a lot of hot gas. Why don't you fuck off?" (The Jam, 'Time For Truth'). No point beating around the bush, I guess. Pic: PA Photos

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    Added: 28 May 2009

  • "I'm serious as cancer when I say rhythm is a dancer!" (SNAP, 'Rhythm Is A Dancer'). These words will one day be inscribed on rapper Turbo B's tombstone. Pic: Redferns

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    Added: 28 May 2009