NME.COM

TABLOID HELL - NOVEMBER 8 2001

Plus - Other towns not endorsed by Dido hit back and some startling Jason Orange revelations...

Dido
is delighted.

The singer, who has scored several hits with songs, is in Frankfurt today (November 8), to attend the MTV Awards. The Daily Star reports that Dido
has been in Frankfurt before when she was working at a job she used to do before she had some hits with songs "I'm enjoying it today," Dido
revealed. "It's strange to be here in a completely different capacity."

Her comments have enraged residents of other towns, especially those who have worked tirelessly to promote themselves as places people with hits that are songs would attend.

http://www.nme.com/media/images/tabloidlogo_L.jpg "This sends out all the wrong sorts of messages," a spokesperson for several towns in northern England said. Dido
is a well-known personality amongst people who have bought her records. My next-door neighbour said he had never thought of going to Frankfurt before. Then he heard what Dido
said and he said he thought Frankfurt sounded like a wonderful, magical place with streets lined with gold drains and trees growing candyfloss. He's off there now. That's one less tourist for our town. Our town could be ravaged by this. As if we didn't suffer enough with foot and mouth and human variant CJD and drought and flooding and snow and anthrax and famine and a plague of raining frogs. People will think its a little backwater that stinks of wet dogs. Dido
should know better. We should all just move to Frankfuckingfurt la-dee-da now."

Elsewhere, The Sun reports that Jason Orange, formerly bassist in punk-skateboard super-group Take That, is to play a clubber in "hard-hitting British film 'Lullaby Of Clubland'". The news has outraged spokespeople for English countryside.

"This is a damnable disgrace," a spokesperson said. "Orange is cad and a bounder. I chased him from my land with a lion-trap and a blunderbuster. He eats pheasants you know. He eats them raw and alive. How he feels he can take a part in a moving film is beyond even my comprehension. I once caught him pleasuring himself by a clearing. He frightening the grouse and the shoot was ruined. I hope his moving film is not a success. I once hired him as a beater on a pheasant run. But he stole the stick and the pheasant didn't rise. The man is a monster. A monster, I tell you. He wears ripped denim trousers - dirty big gashes on the knees. Unbelievable."

Email Tabloidhell@nme.com. Or click here for more horrific Jason Orange stories.

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