TABLOID HELL - NOVEMBER 1 2001

Plus - Adams is inconsolable, Dane Bowers is back with buxom Jordan and Kylie has lunch. At lunchtime...

Emma Bunton has fallen out with Bryan Adams.

According, to The Sun (November 1), Bunton, formerly bass guitarist with the Spice Girls until she left to concentrate, became angry at top rating Canadian Adams, a singer/songwriter who has decided not to have any more hits, when he gave away a song he had written to rival singer Jamie Benson.

Bryan, who shares a name with Westlife lead guitarist Bryan, is understood to be devastated by the so-called Emma's rejection.

"Bryan's inconsolable," an infant revealed. "He had only just come back from a long period of mania. For a while he believed himself to be top-rating Canadian rocker Bryan Adams. When he discovered that he was, it blew his mind. He started growing his hair and baking scones. He became really good and could have sold them if he wanted, but he believed he was destined to rock and that is a hell of a responsibility. He started listening to Meatloaf and crying a lot. It was a very dark time. He's alright now, but he has to constantly be reminded that the solar system is a very big place and he doesn't own it."

The Sun also reports that garage star Dane Bowers, who ironically is the size of a garage, is back in the arms of model Jordan, who is famed for having large breasts. Dane and Jordan, named after Formula One racing team Jordan even though she ironically has never driven a Formula One car but has sat on one, were spotted in a clinch in a nightclub in a town at night.

"Dane's delighted," an estate agent said. "Even though he wrote those songs about Jordan being a mentalist and about him wanting her to go away has always really loved her. On the day she left he said he loved her and he said he loved her every day since then at least eight times. It was beautiful, really beautiful, and I hope they settle down now and get married and live together happily and that would be great and I think they will do that. Marvellous. Did you know Jordan had large breasts?"

The Mirror's Ever Vigilant 3am Girls today report that Kylie Minogue had lunch with some friends at lunchtime in a restaurant. The three of them are happy except one of them called Jessica Callan who says: "The perilous state of a world at war has made me think about the job I do. When it comes to that soul of all that is trivial - Jordan - give me a discussion about the country of the same name any day."



Email Tabloidhell@nme.com. Or click here[/url] to suggest collaborators for Emma Bunton.

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