TABLOID HELL - JUNE 25 2001

Plus - Hear'say star in kiss from boyfriend shock, Five star's love dash and - at last - the talking baboon mystery is solved...

TABLOID HELL - JUNE 25 2001
The Incredible Shrinking Woman is going to be used as a carrot.

According to the Daily Express (June 25), Geri, who likes to holiday abroad and frequently does so outside of the country, has been approached by the British Tourist Authority to tempt visitors back to Britain. Seems they believe that Geri, who is frequently photographed in different bikinis doing yoga on beaches that are not in Britain, is the ideal woman to tempt fearful travellers back to the foot & mouth ravaged country.

Despite their belief, Geri has yet to comment on the appointment. After a hectic round of international flights to and from a number of airports in order to reach somewhere she hasn't been before, though sometimes it has been to reach places she has been before, she is taking a well deserved break in Italy.

Meanwhile, racy mother of two Kym Marsh from Hear'say has celebrated her 25th birthday by allowing her 19 year old boyfriend Jack from 'EastEnders' to kiss her on the cheek. She is pictured in all the red-tops this morning standing beside Jack from 'EastEnders', who at 19 is almost 20. Jack is seen taking the opportunity to kiss his older girlfriend on the side of the head - her cheek. Also, Kym's bandmate Myleene, while acknowledging that they have argued, denies this morning that the pair had a big fight that almost came to blows. "We're like sisters," she tells the Daily Star, "and yeah, of course occassionally we have a row. It's usually over stupid things like who wears which clothes." This will obviously come as a relief to Kym as Myleene, who loves her breasts, has been spoliing for a rumble since Hear'say stepped up press activity ahead of today's release of their second single 'The Way To Your Love'. Last week, busty Myleene made a few threatening noises towards the ex-girlfriend of Jack from 'EastEnders'. She did... she really did.

http://www.nme.com/media/images/tabloidlogo_L.jpg and so the journey would have proved both time consuming and fruitless.

The 3am Trio also reveal that Liam Gallagher and his girlfriend Nicole Appleton were spotted in a newsagents close to where they live. Nicole, who is about to give birth any day now, is described as being "very pregnant" which, because she is about to give birth any day now, she actually is.

Finally, police in Swaziland have solved the mystery of the talking baboons. Villagers in Galile have been living in fear of the gang of big monkeys whose members robbed women while their husbands were working in South Africa - and spoke English while they were on the job.

After a year long investigation, police arrested three men who wore baboon skins.

Email Tabloidhell@nme.com with remarks and stories about astronauts.
Tabloidhell@nme.com is also assured by the puppet masters that a message board will appear today.

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