TABLOID HELL - NOVEMBER 21 2001

Plus - Lennox Lewis's secret love for Kym, Bob the Builder tells Australia to sod off and Billie bangs her head...

TABLOID HELL - NOVEMBER 21 2001
Kym Marsh is set to wed.

The Daily Star (November 21) reports that Kym, the drummer in top selling popular youth band Hear'Say, who have sold many copies of one song, is to marry Jack from 'EastEnders', the man she has devoted her life to since they met almost eight days ago. Racy mother-of-two Kym, famed within the band for a fiery temper, that many put down to her temper, is delighted. "They're absolutely besotted with each other and are planning to marry," a source close to the couple said.

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Lewis has probably followed Kym's career for decades. As his picture is on the same page as Kym's, he's probably involved with something or other.

"Lennox will be inconsolable," a console expert said. "Before he fought Hasim Rahman in Las Vegas at the weekend he said 'I'm doing this for Kym'. The punch that sent Rahman to his knees was also dedicated to his true love Marsh.

"When he heard that Kym was going to wed the much younger Jack from 'EastEnders', he first of all thought it was some sort of sick, malicious joke. As the realisation dawned that Kym and Jack were going to remain together he just collapsed. He knows he can't compete with Jack's role in top rating long running television drama series 'EastEnders' and I think he wants to be alone with his thoughts for a while. That said, he's already making jokes about it. When someone asked him this morning how Kym was he replied, 'Kym who?'. He's a brave, brave man."

Elsewhere, The Sun reports that Bob The Builder is setting Australia alight - though with that nation's history of bush fires burning out of control and eating up expanses of countryside and towns in a heartbeat, they'll be pleased to know he's not doing so literally! No, instead Bob is setting the charts alight. He has two hit singles, 'Mambo No. 5' and 'Can We Fix It', in the Aussie Top Ten. Bob is delighted.

"It's fucking marvellous," he said. "I haven't been to Australia myself - it's too fucking hot and they talk funny - but I've heard it's a nice place. I'm delighted they're buying my songs. But I suppose now I'll have to fucking well go there and do some promotion. How long do I have to spend on a plane? 23 hours? No fucking chance. I'm getting the boat there mate. 23 hours my fucking arse. I was doing a loft conversion last week and I spent three hours scrunched down. That was enough for me. What sales could I put on with a trip to Australia. 100,000, maybe 200,000. I get eight pence per fucking single sold. I can do without a couple of grand. Fuck them, I'm not going near the fucking place. And it's too hot. Bastards."

The Mirror's three girls reveal Billie Piper, married to the ginger but wealthy former mobile disc jockey, hurt her head.

Email Tabloidhell@nme.com. Or click here for updates on the love story of the century.

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