September 18, 2001 12:39

TABLOID HELL - SEPTEMBER 18 2001

Plus - 'Popstars' failures Liberty tell it like it is, Hear'say respond by baking Playdoh guitars and The Mirror's Ever Vigilant 3am Girls make some serious Bob Geldof allegations...

Hear'Say[/url]
are damnable charlatans and frauds.

The singing and dancing five-piece, who
were made for television out of old television sets and Betamax video-recorders,
are in actual fact "just puppets". They have been identified as a bunch of
fraudulent Pinocchio's by Liberty, a band who
would have been Hear'Say[/url]
had they not lost the competition to be the best made for TV band and become
Liberty instead.

"We make music we want to, not what we're
told to," Michelle Heaton from Liberty tells
The Sun (September 18).

Hear'Say[/url]
are unlikely to take this slur lying down. The band, in the past, has been
involved in various stunts to show how involved they are with the creative
process. Noel, one of the Hear'Say[/url]
members, once shut himself in a block of ice for three days in order to come up
with a new tune that the band then recorded and made into a hit that was never
released, while racy mother of two Kym Marsh once baked a guitar
using children's Playdoh and then wrote a song that was better than
'Bridge Over Troubled Water' but sounded a little like the
Simon & Garfunkel classic so they recorded that instead.
Liberty, as far as Tabloid Hell[/url] is
concerned, have never baked a guitar using Playdoh.

Elsewhere, The
Mirror's Ever Vigilant 3am Girls today reveal that Bob
Geldof was spotted having lunch outside a restaurant in
London. An enraged Tabloid
Hell[/url] thought this to be untrue, and a perhaps even a vicious slur on the man
who can feed the entire world, just by thinking about it. So we telephoned a
source who never even watched Live Aid and had difficulty
pronouncing Geldof. When asked if Geldof would
sit and eat lunch, the source said: "Stop calling me, please. I have no idea what
you are talking about and I'm calling the police. You fucking mentalist wanker."

Email Tabloidhell@nme.com. Or click
here[/url] for free sandwiches.