TABLOID HELL - NOVEMBER 7 2001

Plus - it's intelligent to behave like you're 17 and Kylie the kitchen...

Mick Jagger has spoken out.

The Daily Star (November 7) reveals today that Jagger, frontman with top selling boyband The Rolling Stones, thinks "it's stupid to behave like you're 17". Jagger's quotes come in the light of a recent survey that said "It's really intelligent to behave like you're 17." Jagger, who has big lips but also has long hair, has angered authors of reports everywhere with his outspoken antics.

http://www.nme.com/media/images/tabloidlogo_L.jpg of one salient point. Of all the people that were surveyed, 87% said they believed it was really intelligent being 17. 87 fucking per cent. There is a 2% gap for accuracy on each side, but I don't think that gives Mr Look-at-me-I'm-a-big-rock and-roll-star any right to challenge such a finding with ill-researched, badly thought-out pearls of his wisdom. His mind is probably still pickled by 1960s mind-bending drugs. And he's old and stinks of piss. Fuck him. Reports and authors of reports will be around a long time after his inaccurate assessment of reports.

"Remember the report that said it's bloody marvellous to eat soup. Well, Phil Collins came out and said he didn't like soup and look what's happened to him. Jagger had better think on."

Elsewhere, The Sun reports that Kylie Minogue
has demanded a blender backstage at the MTV Awards tomorrow (November 8) in Frankfurt. A monk said: "Kylie
loves kitchen stuff. She has a new flat and is desperate to get all the best things for it. At a recent show elsewhere she got a silver toaster. And I think she's after a new kettle as well. Everyone on her calls her Kylie
the Kitchen.

"It's quite a funny joke and Kylie
takes it really well. She loves a laugh. Sometimes when she comes into the canteen to talk to crew she'll joke and say 'Watch out... it's Kylie
the Kitchen! Lock up all your loose utensils!! Lock up all the utensils, even the ones that are heavy or nailed down!! I'm a bit mental.' We all have a great laugh at that. It's a load of fun touring with Kylie."

Email Tabloidhell@nme.com. Or click here for more Kylie tour prank stories.

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