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Part 5 of Alec Empire's diary...

8th DAY: Tilburg/ Holland 28-11-1999

Hanin fainted today in the dressing room. One year of touring and other things add up. It can fuck people up. You can only take anti-biotics and pain killers for so many times and then at some point your body gives in. It’s a strange vibe in the band – it’s scary. It’s like it can explode any moment – one wrong word – it doesn’t even need to be wrong.

Everybody else seems to be in a good mood – too good. It sucks.

I don’t even look at the audience before our show – I don’t care anymore. We heard today that the police closed down the underground video store in Berlin where we always go to – without it Bomb 20 couldn’t have made his records. It’s all we have left in that city – it’s called “Videodrome” – named after the great movie.

the police confiscated films like “Scream 2” and “Halloween H2O” , some Fassbinder stuff, all documentaries about the 3rd Reich and some Russ Meyer films (….!)- it is so fucking stupid but it’s serious.

It sounds like a bad joke.

They took all the computers and hard-disks and for the first time in Germany they closed the whole shop down – I mean these films are not illegal at all – this video-store is like an archive – if you don’t speak German – that’s where you find films in their original language.

It doesn’t matter if these films were legal or not – I am against censorship. this whole discussion about violence in the media or in music or video games never comes to the point: You can forbid any art but that will never be the solution for the social problems, the logical consequence of capitalism – it’s simple if some kids want to shoot everybody at their school it’s happening because they have access to guns and their fucking shit right wing parents didn’t care – this system is using violence against people: police and laws for example. It’s always about fighting and hiding the “problems” and not solving them. Just look at fucking America and how they treat political prisoners over there. In the last weeks I changed my mind: Dhoruba Bin Wahad of the Black Panthers was saying: It’s not anymore about if people know about it – it’s about if they want to see.

Closing down this store is a major step – some people might think it’s just a videostore but it’s much more than this: it’s about underground culture. They could have closed down Blockbuster or any other commercial store – but they would have never done that.

Who is next. The directors. Or us.

We have to go on stage now.

People looking like they just don’t care – I make a karate-jump into the audience – attack – people didn’t expect that – beer bottles drop – people step back – lucky that the cable of the microphone is not longer – in a situation like this you could kill these “lads” just for their blank consuming faces, no expression, just their beer and their small talk, nothing else.

It’s one of the worst feelings when you see some people who have nothing left but the choice to consume.

And that’s when I have force myself to think about why it is like that. Do these people know.

I don’t think so – the media people and other privileged know and don’t want to see but these people here. Until they are effected by these issues directly they don’t know – because right now they look and listen and most of them start to applause – yeah living adverts for a world view.

Public Enemy triggered so many thoughts and ideas in people’s heads – it must exist – it must continue.

People are scared of revolution – they fear they might eat rats afterwards. that’s why so many waste so much energy by discussing if a record is underground or not. As if there would be nothing else to do.

And until then, while the party is going on, some more people die and some more die and some more.

And the party is going on and it’s going on and on. And on.

A friend of mine killed himself because he couldn’t live with this fact anymore – at least this is what he wrote – I didn’t know him for so long – just a few weeks – I call him a friend because we talked on the phone for three hours a week before he died – I will never forget this conversation – it was one of these conversations you can only have five times in your life! if you have the chance!