CLASSY!

Elton John consumes some honey, and Blue arc through the air...

ATOMIC KITTEN are taking off their pants.

Liz McLarnon from the chart-topping all-girl band trio who have had a song, has said that during tonight’s performance at the Top Of The Pops Awards they will all be wearing &quotsome very special clothes. I’m not even wearing any knickers,” she told the Daily Star (November 30).

The news has come as a shock to many Atomic Kitten watchers throughout the north of England.

&quotWhat a damn fool,” said one. &quotShe’ll catch her bloody death. Fancy encouraging such a lack of undergarment protection. The awards are in Manchester and I can tell you, it gets cold. Liz high and mighty look at me McLarnon may think she is beyond the cold, but she’s not, you know. It hits everyone. What if young or remedial people heard about the antics and followed her lead. There would be anarchy. Schools and theatres would close because of colds. And underwear garment producers would see lethal dips in sales. And then poor people would probably take over the streets and the good and holy would be prisoners in their own homes, fearful of being robbed by wide-eyed crazies. What the hell is she thinking. Its a road to nowhere.”

Elsewhere, The Sun report that Elton John played his 53rd show at Madison Square Garden in New York last night, beating a record set by The Grateful Dead. John, who plays the piano and has a boyfriend partner called David Furnish Elton John’s partner, is believed to be delighted by the record. A fan who has been to every single show he has ever played everywhere said: &quotIt’s great news that Elton has finally broken that record. It’s been touch and go for a while. About 10 shows ago Elton had a sore throat and it looked like he would have to cancel – which would obviously have caused problems with the record schedule – but David Furnish Elton John’s partner made him some tea and put honey in it and he was fine. Obviously as The Grateful Dead are dead they wouldn’t be challenging for this record again, which is good really.”

All red tops carry photographs of former Oasis member wife Meg Mathews out and about having had some alcohol and being probably drunk outside.

The Mirror today report that organisers of a pop show have shelled out £5,000 to charter a plane in order to make sure top-selling boyband favourites Blue play their show. “Blue are delighted,” said a postal worker. &quotThey had been worried but they’re not now. It really is a weight lifted, thank God. It makes them happy that such good things happy in such an unhappy world. It raises their spirits.”