TABLOID HELL – MAY 9 2001

Plus - Geri talks the usual gubbins about her pappy new album, Posh falls out with her sister and Bill Wyman has some fresh revelations about Hear'say...

Billie Piper and her new ginger husband have not signed a pre-nuptial agreement.

According to The Sun, despite being ginger, ludicrously wealthy Chris Evans is past caring what happens to his fortune. “He’s past caring about what happens to it,” a pal says. A divorce could cost happy 35-year-old Chris half of his £80 million plus fortune. But Chris doesn’t care. Neither, presumably, does newly wealthy Billie.

Not to be outdone, Chris’ ex Geri herself pops up across The Sun and The Star today as her new album is unveiled. The album and title track ‘Scream If You Wanna Go Faster’, she explains in The Sun, is about “seeking the child within”. And as Geri has changed from a woman into an emaciated Tiny Tim character over the last few months it certainly seems to be something she is well equipped to talk about.

Bringing in a strong Spice Girls showing today is Posh. According to the Mirror’s Ever Vigilant 3am Girls, Mrs Beckham and her sister Louise have fallen out. Posh isn’t too happy that an ex-squeeze of Louise’s has gone to the papers with a kiss and tell. She has decided not to let her have any second-hand frocks for a while.

Meanwhile, Bill Wymanhas had a pop at Hear’say. According to The Star, he says: “I saw Hear’say on TV once. They’re just five plumpish boys and girls who were miming. They don’t write their songs, they mime when performing live and most can’t play an instrument.” While in the Rolling Stones Wyman played songs written by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. As a solo artist he had a minor hit with ‘Je Suis Un Rock Star’. He had a long relationship with an underage girl. Until she grew up.

Returning to the Dorothy Parker Trio in the Mirror (Tabloid Hell knows you’re watching) we learn that Bob Geldof was spotted. In a car. On a street.

Finally, Roy Orbison has cost a man his marriage. Dave Wolf can’t stop impersonating the Big O. A former slaughterman, Dave packed in his job four years “bought the costume and started gigging in pubs and clubs as an Orbison tribute act”. It’s all got a little much for wife Paula. She tells The Sun that “Dave’s voice is identical to Orbison’s. At first I saw the funny side – and I do like some of the songs. BUT IT ALL GOT TOO MUCH.” Dave’s only back in the house in Poppleton, York, where Paula lives with their seven kids (all called Roy – all right, not true, but imagine) if he gives up the act.

Dave is unrepentant. “I can’t see the problem,” he says. Dave is backed by his pal Eddie Vee: “I’ve got to give it to Dave, he’s really good as Roy,” he says.

Eddie is an Elvis impersonator.