TABLOID HELL – DECEMBER 6 2001

A badly behaved pop spectacular featuring Blue, Allstars, Westlife and Madonna...

Pop has gone just mental.

Following the end of their nationwide tour Blue, Liberty, Allstars and other top pop act names indulged in some crazy on the road antics in order to blow off some steam. According to the Daily Star (December 7), all the bands met in the bar of their hotel to drink alcohol, sing karaoke songs and spray some shaving foam about all over the place. It appears that a game of strip darts also took place, but no one saw anyone naked as “all the players cheated by wearing extra layers”.

“It was fucking crazy,” said one of the revellers. “We thought it was going to go on all night. Blue were the worst. It got to just after 12 and quite a few people were looking nervously at their watches and starting to yawn, but one of Blue – the drummer I think – said ‘It’s only midnight, let’s party for another 40 minutes or so at least’.

“When they get going there’s no stopping them. They can take things a bit far though. Around half one, they started to spray shaving foam around the bar and some of it went into the eyes of one of Allstars – I’m not sure which one, though I think it was the drummer – and he started to cry. He was a bit tired, because it was so late, and he said he wasn’t crying, but he was. I don’t think it’s fair that Blue’s bullyboy antics should spoil it for everyone. It was them that spoiled the darts as well.

“Everyone agreed to play, but Blue kept taking off layer after layer after layer and no-one else could really compete. It’s a disgrace really. One of them was smoking as well.”

Elsewhere, The Sun reports that Madonna supervised the removal men when she was moving into a new house. Madonna and her film director Guy Ritchie husband have been renovating the desirable five-storey Georgian period property for at least a year and have no doubt added considerable value to the purchase price in that time alone. However, removal men are said to have been confused by Madonna‘s directions as they carted furniture around.

“She was talking in a most peculiar fashion,” said one. “Big Dave – nice fellow, heart of gold but a bit of a drinker – was lifting a futon in and Madonna says ”Ere, geezer. I can ‘ardly Adam ‘n Eve what it is that you is planning to do wiv’ that, Gord bless ya. I wants that up the apples and pears next to the made-to-measure pine bedroom unit that my auld man got me from Ikea – roll owt the barrel. He says Ikea but I fink he ‘ad it orf the back of a lorry, know what I mean cor blimey’. She was talking like that all day. I lost count of the number of times I took lamps in – nice lamps, mind you, not any old tat – and I was about to put them on a table when she’d say ‘You must be ‘avin’ a larf, ain’t you. That’s for the kitchen, you giraffe. Gordon Bennett, me old ticker can’t ‘andle the stress of all this. I’m orf for a nice cup of char. You lads come fru when you done.’ It was a hell of a day.”

The Sun also carries pictures of Westlife fighting. They are taken from a fly-on-the-wall documentary to be screened on the BBC over the weekend. It is reported that the five members, who no longer sit down all the time, were playfighting, but a source close to others said: “It wasn’t play fighting at all, no sir. Bryan wanted to knock Shane’s pan in. He would have too. He’s a big fucker.”

The Mirror’s 3am grills today reveal that media students see them as the “most popular role models in print”. They also reveal that a member of Atomic Kitten left a club and kissed her boyfriend who she was leaving with.

Email Tabloidhell@nme.com. Or click here if you know of any hilarious boyband pranks (or fights).