TABLOID HELL – APRIL 18

Plus - Mariah Carey's hand-me downs, BBMak get set to be on the telly, and a word of warning for admirers of Russell Crowe...

Fears are mounting for AWOL former Boyzone star MIKEY ‘knackered’ GRAHAM. The Daily Star this morning (April 18) leads the pleas to the singer to let his whereabouts be known.

“PLEASE contact us, Mikey,” they beg, “because we and the rest of your loyal fans are worried.”

Mikey has not been seen for over a week since he returned exhausted from a punishing three day promotional tour of Germany. He had been pushing current single ‘You Could Be My Everything’ in the land where he is a star on a David ‘Knight Rider’ Hasselhoff level. Following the taxing jaunt, he had been told “to take time out and rest up for a few weeks.” However, it now appears that matters have gotten ontop of Mikey and he has gone completely to ground. “We think Mikey is with his family,” a ‘pal’ reasons, “but no one knows for sure.”

Elsewhere, The Sun reports that dolphin-voiced Mariah Carey has taken to wearing second-hand trinkets. Seems the porpoise-like warbler has been given a diamond bracelet by her Spanish lover Luis Miguel. And though the £1 million stone cluster may be rammed full of a girl’s best friend, Mariah may be interested to learn that Julia Roberts was wearing the self same bracelet when she picked up her Oscar last month. If truth be told Busty Carey will care little. “She now has a massive collection of diamonds because he keeps buying her more and more,” reveals ‘a source close to the singer’.

, who has had cosmetic surgery, wants the boys to play police officers in a future show.

Ricky Martin, meanwhile, a star who has already done his stint in a daytime soap (‘General Hospital’) is keen to follow Martine McCutcheon (herself a former soap actress turned singer; much like Nick Berry – but he went back to acting) onto the London stage. The Latino heart-throb, described by The Sun as a “keen fan of musicals”, wants to play Zorro in the West End. This is completely true.

The Mirror’s Ever Vigilant 3am Girls today tell us that Becks bought Spice wife Posh a pair of boots from her favourite shoe shop Gina for her 27th birthday. (Incidently, Becks misses Manchester United’s crunch European Champion’s League quarter-final second leg tonight through suspension. He will be missed.) They also reveal that Depeche Mode‘s Dave Gahan was spotted walking through Greenwich Village in New York. Dave Gahan has a home in New York. And without a sliver of irony, they describe television presenter Donna Air as “irritating”.

Geri Halliwell sensationally does not feature in any of the morning tabloids. Tabloid Hell expects a robust return tomorrow.

Finally, a note of caution from Mrs D Webster, a Daily Star reader who felt compelled to write to the paper. “Russell Crowe snogged a beautiful actress at his 37th birthday bash,” Mrs Webster correctly points out, “and as he isn’t married why shouldn’t he? But any woman who thinks she will be anything more than a passing thing to him SHOULD THINK AGAIN.”